"You have to see failure as the beginning and the middle, but never entertain it as an end." -Jessica Herrin, founder, and CEO of Stella & Dot

So now what is an Entrepreneur? An entrepreneur is a person who always craves innovation and drives us towards the future. The thing that you use daily which has helped u a lot in everyday life might be a child of someone's imagination. Everyone has an idea, in fact, every day a person can get up to 4 mind-boggling ideas but they are too scared about failing or they have too many excuses but an entrepreneur get an idea to solve a problem and evaluates it if it’s applicable in the real world or not and if it is they don’t waste another time thinking about what if they fail.  Barack Obama once said, “I think Ronald Reagan tapped into [the fact that people wanted] a return to that sense of dynamism and entrepreneurship that had been missing”. This idea from him shows the impact of an entrepreneur in this world.

 In one way Entrepreneurs are inventors who introduce new technologies to the world and from which the world hasn’t been accustomed. An entrepreneur runs a firm, who focuses on capital and labor that helps him to produce goods or services for profit. Entrepreneurship stands itself as one of the important leaders in innovation leading to economic growth. Entrepreneurship is defined by high-risk, but also a high-rewarded one that serves to generate economy, boosting, and innovation. To be a successful entrepreneur, one needs to have a leading ability and be well known on managerial aspects.

 How do Entrepreneurs work?

The answer to this above-mentioned question is as important as the most difficult one to elaborate on. The way of working and leading the company towards success will make you an entrepreneur. So, mostly an entrepreneur conglomerates labor, time, and capital and focuses to manufacture goods or disseminate the services. They create a certain business plan that lasts for a certain time period and even renovate thoroughly, hire laborers, dedicate themselves towards obtaining resources and financing, and lastly take the leadership and management for the business. Entrepreneurs face many obstacles when building their empires. Among the lot here I have mentioned three that are more common as well as the most challenging one.

v  Overcoming problems at the initial finance and managerial

v  Hiring real talented people

v  Obtaining finance from parties

At last, this world needs more visionary entrepreneurs who are crazy enough to think that they can change this world and as Steve Jobs once said the ones crazy enough to think that they can change the world are the ones to become entrepreneurs. Now is the time to initiate and grind on that idea which you thought is cool and could help this world in a different and creative way.

I remember those lonely nights, broken homes full of strife,
Sleeping in abandoned houses,
Crashing on friends couches,
Walking around for hours at a time,
Restless nights with No peace of mind,
I tried to numb the pain, 
With alcohol and drugs, 
Trying to fill a void,
With artificial Love,
It only left me empty,
Still feeling the same, 
Putting on a fake smile, 
To cover the guilt and shame.

Manchester United is the boyhood club that I adore. The club’s history is one you cannot ignore if you’re a football fan. Manchester United is one of the biggest clubs in the world but we aren’t one of the best right now. Our sworn rivals Liverpool won their sixth champion’s league trophy in the 2018/2019 season and now they are the premier league champions of the 2019/2020 season whereas we’ve been sacking managers and struggling for champion league spot. But now after the appointment of club legend Ole Gunnar Solskjær, there has been a new breeze in Old Trafford, a breeze rebuilding the club into its glory days. Since his appointment, Manchester United have signed players in a position we were lacking like Harry Maguire at Centre back, Aaron Wan-Bissaka at right-back, Daniel James at winger and Bruno Fernandes at Attacking midfielder. Although these signings have given Manchester United a huge boost, the club is still lacking depth and players in some positions. So as a football fan who loves ball possession and attacking football, I have decided to line up my Manchester United dream XI with new signings in a 4-3-3 attack formation.

Goalkeeper: Manchester United has some of the best keepers in the world. We have David De Gea, Sergio Romero, and Lee Grant. David has been our first choice keeper since his arrival back in 2011/2012 from Atletico Madrid. He has not been in his form for the past few seasons but I still believe he is a world-class keeper. So I choose David de Gea in my lineup.

Right-back: As simply as I can put it, I would keep Aaron wan bissaka as my right back all day long. He is the best defensive right back at the premier league for me. His tackling skills and defensive slides are top-notch. His attacking threat and assists are still improving since he is just 22 years of age.

Center back: Manchester United has several good defenders like Victor Lindelof, Eric bailey, Axel tuanzebe, Timothy fosu-Mensah, and Phil Jones. But only Harry Maguire among them is an exceptionally class defender. I would keep Harry Maguire as my Centre back since he has very good strength and defensive stats as well as he can set up Counterattack by his long passing ability. He also is good at set-pieces. 

Center back: Manchester United missed out on Matthias de ligt in the summer transfer window. The former Ajax captain is one of the most influential players as well as a complete defender as seen in the Ajax team of 2018/2019. I like him as a young captain who led the Ajax team in beating the biggest club in the world Real Madrid. He is still 20 years old and he would be one for the future.

Left-back: Manchester united have decent right-backs like Luke Shaw and Brandon Williams. For a stable possession-wise game I would prefer Luke Shaw given his current form due to competition from Brandon Williams.

Defensive Midfielder: Manchester united has good midfielders like Nemanja Matic, Scott Mctominay, and Fred but I would prefer Ngolo Kante from Chelsea. He is the complete defensive midfielder in the world. He always has an impact in the game defensively as well as offensive wise. His pace is unbelievable and he along with Paul Pogba can change the game as in the world cup 2018.

Midfielder: Manchester United’s world-class player, as well as my favorite player Paul Pogba, is a player that can go into any team’s starting XI. His vision of the game is unbelievable. His specialty is the long crosses and passes he finds for the attackers upfront. He is the kind of player that controls the game’s flow.

Midfielder: Manchester United’s signing of the season Bruno Fernandes is my next player in the lineup. He is an all-out midfielder who plays as the playmaker for Manchester united. He can find passes in short space as well as initiate counterattacks, score free kicks and he is also brilliant in set pieces. Since his arrival, the whole club has changed into a team that is worth watching. 

Left-winger: Manchester United’s own bred and born Marcus Rashford is one of the best players in his position. He is a lethal winger who likes to cut through defenders using his pace as well as his dribbling skills. He has a very good shooting at short range as well as long-range.so, I would put Marcus Rashford in my Starting XI.

Striker: Manchester united have a young striker whose ball control is very good as well as his shooting skills. Yet being played at the wrong position throughout his career until recently he moved up to his main position as the no 9 of Manchester united. He will be in my Starting XI because the way he finishes goals are absolute class, as well as his dribbling and I think he has the potential to be one of the best strikers in the world.

Right-winger: We need a player who has the creativity and attacking threat on the right-hand side and someone who can assist Marcus and Anthony.  Manchester United should sign Jadon Sancho from Borussia Dortmund. He fits the criteria perfectly. He is young, fast, creative and he can score and assist. His stats are very impressive as well as he used to play for local rivals Manchester City. This player is already reaching world-class status and he proves it by his stats. 

Do you still bow to your book when you accidentally kick it? I guess we all do. So do I. But what is this?  Respect ? or just a taboo? Actually it's a taboo but we don't see any harm here. Right? Now, these words of mine might have got you a bit anxious considering our culture as a taboo, but I have a question.

What about menstruation, we all know that it is still considered as a taboo practicing at your own house. Are you, your sister or your mom allowed to celebrate whatever the festival is when you got stuck with Period? The one festival that you've waited for so long for all of your brothers, sisters, and cousins to get together and enjoy and suddenly you get kicked out of it because of you getting your period?. That's absolutely natural and you didn't even ask for it. Of course, you don't want to suffer from this natural phenomenon, you even don't like it but it loves to visit you always like your annoying bestie. (AKA period  cramps).

Being sarcastic, I am here portraying the exact scenario of how all the ladies think/suffer at a certain moment of menstruation. Heading back to taboos, Let me define a taboo in simple words. It's all your thoughts and beliefs and you are the one who is preserving what someone just passed over some religion or so-called “culture”. Come on, How can we add something that causes a lot of people to suffer as a precious thing to us, in our culture.?

Let's come to  “Racism”, it is also a taboo in my perspective. Which even prevails among us even after those  9 years of studies in high school, and your textbook didn't even have the word   “Racism” and it only said discrimination on the basis of race. The consequences of this discrimination don't only remain within color rather it goes beyond leading to mental threat, sexual abuse, and even DEATH! Ever called your friend black? You might be joking but to that friend it might have not been a joke. 

Just like that “body shaming” is also one of the discriminations on the basis of the physical appearance of someone. We have created certain criteria to be loved and thus representing that as “perfection”. You say that you support “LGBTQ” right? Then why do you humiliate your friend with the word  “gay/lesbian”? Now that friend of yours has already taken the word as humiliation no matter how he/she had the feeling towards LGBTQ before. The relationship might not change but it really will hit hard in a negative way.

It is okay to be whoever you want and you have your own decisions and choices over yourselves don't let the others decide it for you.

Racism is deeply engraved within us but in different ways thus making life lots of people around. They are not only dying physically but mentally as well. There have been many suicide and murder cases here in Nepal, there are numerous reasons and racism is also one of them. It hasn't been long since slavery, especially termed as The Kamaiya System ended officially in Nepal (2000 A.D) and other lots of discriminating systems. If that hadn't happened  I don't think that we would have been here at DEER WALK studying. But still, slavery exists in different other forms, like child marriage, polygamy, and so on. So, to sum up, Taboos aren't going to just disappear magically, it needs our effort. Why don't we start individually from our home?

These do not prevail only in society. “It prevails within you, Then goes to the society, becomes a culture and finally a TABOO”. So it's time for us to be responsible.

(This  article is  not against culture, but I don't think that pain  and  chaos is the definition for culture,  Do you?)

“You have to stop singing. You have throat cancer. If you insist on continuing so, you might die”, the doctor said to her but she wasn’t the one to agree to it quite easily. All she ever wanted to become was a singer from the time she could barely speak. What she had for music couldn’t be described by the word “passion”, she felt connected to music every time she heard it. Violin was her choice for instrument and with the beautiful face and the sweetest voice, everyone who had ever listened to her performing went crazy for her. It really was a wonder why she wasn’t famous already. Maybe it was because she was too young to be recognized anywhere outside of her family or high school. After all, she was only 15 years old. It’s nearly impossible for a person of that age to be recognized anywhere else. 

How could such a person give up such a feeling? She replied to the doctor, “Perhaps if I continue singing, I might die one day soon but if I give the only thing that pushed me forward till this day then I will die every second of every day. The regret will just eat me up that I didn’t live up to my capability.” The doctor said many things to convince her but she stood still on her decision. There was no changing of her mind. When she was about to leave the room, she stopped and said “Doctor, have a little faith in me. Soon you’ll hear my name on that T.V. Remember it. You’ll hear the encore for Sakshya Snow.” The doctor couldn’t say anything and let her leave. 

After she went home she was tired and it would be nightfall soon. As she lay on her bed, she went to sleep quickly. She always seemed to be so cheerful and happy like she had no regrets or tension in the whole world but that night something happened. She dreamed of a tall, dark man wearing a black robe staring at her. All she saw in the dream was that man staring at her and nothing else. After she woke up the next morning she began to think about just who that man was? She had neither seen him nor known of anyone like that in her life. She thought, “It’s probably nothing. I shouldn’t keep my head stuck on some random dream.” As she looked at her phone she screamed and said, “Oh no, I’m late for class today as well. I was supposed to meet Harry like an hour earlier. He will kill me.” Saying this much she rushed out of the house without even breakfast and ran toward her school.

When she met Harry she told him everything about the other day and after hearing that, he freaked out and screamed at Sakshya. He said, “If you really have to just leave singing for your treatment then why don’t you? Why are you always so stubborn? Do you not realize what you’ll be giving up just because of your music?” After he lashed out all the information on her she began to cry. She was sobbing and said, “I’m not crying because you screamed at me but because I thought at least you might be the one to understand why I need to continue to sing. It’s not just a passion for me, it’s a part of me now that I can’t give in even if I want to and believe me I would never want to. Just try and understand that I have to keep on performing. When I go out to that stage and perform, the people that listen to me will never forget and that’s all I ever want in life. Even if it shortens my life, it will be worth it.” Harry still not convinced with it stormed out of there leaving her alone. She understood why he left. After all, anyone would if someone heard their friend was trying to kill themselves. 

Shortly after that, she went to the Concert Hall for her performance. While she was preparing for it, the man from her dream again took place inside her head. It was so unusual for her. She normally wouldn’t think about anything else except for her performance when preparing for it. As she was lost on her though, she was called for her performance. When she went upon the stage and started playing everyone in the audience were so mesmerized that they were on a whole new world. All that just by listening to Sakshya. When the performance was over, the crowd stayed still, still lost in the music that was thrown to them. Moments later, she got a huge applause and the crowd started going crazy. They cheered her name and applauded for her. As she stood on that stage only one thought crossed her mind, “This is what I should feel for the rest of my life. This feeling is what matters me the most. Just by playing here I was able to touch this many people by just my music, I wonder what will happen if the world could listen to me. Will I ever reach them? I hope I can.”

When she was all packed up and was about to go home, a gentleman called for her. He told her that he was a music director and wanted to work with her. His exact words were, “Among many people in there, I was also the one to be mesmerized by your playing and all I want is to get to know you more.” She immediately agreed to it because it was a dream-come-true for her. She went home to tell her family the good news.

On the other hand, Harry still troubled with what Sakshya said, went to see her doctor. He was furious and slammed the door and screamed at him, “Why won’t you restrict Sakshya not to sing anymore? Why won’t you do anything to save her? She’s too young to face death.” The doctor got surprised at first then understood what was going on and said, “You must be her friend then. Well, I tried to talk some sense in her but she won’t listen.” “What do you mean she won’t listen? You must force her to listen. After it’s her….”, said Harry. The doctor remained calm and replied, “Now I won’t say anything to her. She said something to me and after hearing that I know she can’t be reasoned with.” Harry still with a red-hot face said, “What could she possibly have said for you to take this decision.” The doctor looked down and said, “ I believe her exact words were, “Perhaps if I continue singing, I might die one day soon but if I give the only thing that pushed me forward till this day then I will die every second of every day. The regret will just eat me up and I didn’t live up to my capability.” After that I knew she wouldn’t listen to anyone.” When Harry heard that, he froze for a while and without saying another word he left the room and went home. When he went home, he got a text from Saskshya. She said, “Hey you. I’m sorry to burden you with all the news today. But I’ve got some good news. A music director named Stan met me today and asked me to work with him. I’m offered to play my own music and record it. It’s going to be great.”

When Sakshya was about to sleep she again thought about the man from her dreams. Thinking about the man she dozed up to sleep and a surprising thing happened. She saw the same dream again that night but the man was a little closer to her. When she woke up she thought, “That’s strange. Same dream again. Perhaps it was because I thought about it before I fell asleep. But no worries, it’s a new day today and I have my song to record.” With this excitement she got out of bed and went straight to the studio. She was more excited than nervous to be there. Stan introduced her to everybody and without delaying she went to do what she came to do. She sang so beautifully that all the people listening to her were amazed with her voice. Everyone congratulated her. She was so glad to have finally recorded a song. She felt like being in paradise. She went home fully tired but happy and went to bed straight away. She said, “It was the best day.” and went to sleep. The same things happened again. She saw the same dream and again the man a little closer to her. The next morning when she woke up she got a little worried. Same dream for 3 straight nights. Anyone would freak out.

Pretty soon, the song was released and was a hit all over the world. With only one song she got recognized all over the world. When she was walking in the streets also, people used to come to speak with her and praise her. She felt so happy about it. The way she was in everyone’s mouth, she was really having the time of her life. She began going to the studio frequently and recorded quite a few songs within 2 weeks. Soon, she was a celebrity. Who would have thought, a 15 years old girl would be recognized globally. With the best songs, she really was a rising star. Her happiness was accelerating every day but she was hiding something from everyone. She had the same dreams, again and again, every day. Every day the man came closer and closer. She always was so terrified the next morning. The only thing that kept her calm was her admirers because of her music. The same day Stan called her and said that he had good news. She went to the studio and saw everyone smiling. She said, “So, what is the big surprise?” Stan said, “You have been invited to perform in a concert in front of a live audience. There will thousands of people and it will air on every music channel on TV. This is the opportunity of a lifetime. I don’t think any person of your age ever had an opportunity like this. It’s in a concert place in Manhattan. Are you ready for this?” She completely lost her mind with excitement and said, “I’m disappointed that you even have to ask. Let’s go and prepare for it. When is it? Will there be anyone else performing? Sorry I’m asking all these questions but I’m just so excited that I can’t even catch my breath.” Stan replied, “It’s exactly 1 month from today. No one will be performing but you. I know you’ll be awesome out there.” 

She rushed home told her parents about what happened and went straight to bed. Her parents were worried about her health but they couldn’t say anything. She would still die soon because of cancer it was only sensible that she died doing what she loved. So they held tears in their eyes and let her do what she wanted to before it was too late.

When Sakshya was in the bed she began to think about the recurring dream. She’s couldn’t stop wondering who exactly that person was. Soon after that, her bed started shaking and she saw a person walking in the room but not through the door. He walked straight through the walls and as he turned around she was shocked to see the same person from her dreams. Her jaw dropped and she remained silent for a while. Then after about 10 minutes, she spoke, “Who are you? Why do I see you again and again in my dreams?” The tall, dark man replied, “I’m dying. I come to inform you that you aren’t going to live so long. I don’t normally go and warn people beforehand but there was something special about you. I don’t know what. But I just had to inform you that you must come with me exactly 3 weeks from now.” Hearing this she began to cry. The death said, “I know this must be a lot of information and you must be freaked out but there’s nothing that can change fate. Everyone must die one day. You just have to die a little soon than others. I’m sorry.” With tears on her eyes, she replied, “I’m not crying because I’m about to die. I actually knew that for a while. And I don’t fear death. I would have died peacefully if I got to perform. By singing continuously I’ve invited my death myself. But I have this performance in a month from today and that is the most important thing in my life. It’s so hard to know that you won’t live long to achieve the thing that you have dreamed about since you can even remember. It’s just not fair.” The death just said, “Well there’s nothing you can do” and left.

From the next day the death kept close eyes on Sakshya. He saw her every activity to find out what was so special in her. She didn’t have the same dream that night. She saw Harry in her dream and thought she should meet him so she left him a text. She wrote, “Hey you. You must be mad at me till now as well but please know that I have to meet you. I need to tell you something. It's good news” After that she just started her day with breakfast. She went to the studio and practiced for her performance. She gave everything in her practice. The death was quite amazed seeing her like that. “Even though she knew she was dying before the concert, she’s still preparing for it. She’s so determined in her singing that she can’t care about anything else in the world. Not even her death”, such though revolved around his head. When Sakshya went to the park, many people gathered there just to see her. It soon became a crowd. She talked with everyone there. She shared conversation, food, with all of them. She played with the kids there. She sang because of their request. She was adored by everyone there. The death observed that carefully and finally came to the conclusion, “I think I’m starting to realize why she’s so special. She is so precious for the world. Everyone wants to see her singing. They will literally throw their lives to see her. And she also fulfills all their expectations. I know what I have to do, even if I don’t like it”, whispering this much he left Sakshya’s watch. She went home and realized she didn’t have a reply from Harry.

Days passed like they were nothing. Sakshya knew that death was coming nearer and nearer but she still gave her best in preparation for the concert. Soon enough the day she was finally going to die arrived. With a heavy heart, she accepted her fate. When death came to her he asked something, “Even though you knew you were going to die before the performance, why did you practice for it?” With a smile on her face she said, “To be honest, I don’t practice just for the performance. I just sing because it makes me happy. In the time that I sing, I feel no strings attached and couldn’t care about anything else. It’s like I’m connected to the music in the way that I don’t know how to express. It’s like the music itself is a part of me.” Hearing this much, The death said, “Well then there’s nothing else to do now, is there? I have to do what I have to.” Saying this much he put his hand on her head and spoke, “I finally figured out why you were so special. So, I’m making an exception. I’m not allowed to break the rules but I can bend the rules. I will let you live until your performance is over.” The girl standing in front of her became so happy that she cried out like never before. She just said, “Thank you. I’ll always be grateful for your actions today.” She went to bed and had a good sleep.

Next day she woke up and had a normal day just like she used to have before that. She practiced for the performance. She decided to text Harry one last time. She wrote, “I understand why you haven’t been replying back to me. But I have to meet you so soon or else I might not get to. The good news that I was talking about, let me tell you about it. I am going to play in Manhattan a 6 days from today and I really want to see you there. Please be there.” She didn’t get reply to that as well. She just thought that he was too mad at him so she was disappointed in herself. 

Next few days passed easily. With each day passing, Sakshya’s excitement grew even more. She was one step closer from her dream. The day finally arrived. A dream which she had for her entire life was only few hours away from her. As she went upon that stage and saw thousands of people in front of her, all cheering her name, the small part of her that felt nervous was gone. The one who conducted the program said, “Let’s introduce the person for whom we are here today, “SAKSHYA SNOW” Please give a big hand for her.” When this was happening, in corner room of the hospital, the doctor smiled and said, “Well she really did it. She really kept her promise. As she started singing and the crowd singing together with her the day became more and more amazing. The whole area was in an uproar. The excitement in Sakshya’s and everyone else’s eyes sparkled clearly. She sang on that stage for 4 hours and every single second she caught all the audience’s attention by her voice. Each moment of those 4 magnificent hours, Sakshya felt like she was on the top of the world. That concert was over after those 4 hours but the echo that her singing had left would be in everyone’s ears for a long time. That she was sure of. After it was over, she said, “Thank you everyone for being here. You all have influenced my life in a way that I can’t even describe. It was an honor to sing with you. Farewell everyone.”

 Tired from all that, Sakshya went to the backstage where she found everyone close to her giving her an applause. She was so happy at the moment. Then seconds late someone was screaming “Sakshya! Sakshya!” from the back. She knew exactly who he was. It was Harry. As she saw him they both held each other in their arms. In that moment Sakshya felt like she had everything. They were both speechless for about 5 minutes. Then Harry spoke, “I’m so glad of the person you’ve become. I’m sorry for not replying back to you. I’m so sorry. By the way what did you mean by, you might not get to meet me?” Sakshya smiled and said, “I meant that……….” Her body suddenly became heavy. She closed her eyes, fell on Harry’s arm and with that she took her final breath.

 She stood up and saw her body lying in Harry’s arm. She realized she was dead and was in the spiritual realm. She saw “The death” in front of her. She just said, “Thank you for giving me time to live this moment. I’ve said my goodbye. Now I’m ready to go. My life is complete.” The death just said, “Just what I expected from you” and they both vanished.

Everyone in the backstage silenced because of what happened in front of them. All of them were taken by shock. A legendary icon laid dead in front of them. Sakshya’s Mother said, “Even though we knew that this day was coming, why does it hurt so much? Even though it’s not sudden news, why is there so much pain inside me?” Everyone there cried to have seen the last of Sakshya Snow. Harry was completely out of his mind. He understood what she meant by ‘I might not get to meet you’. He couldn’t speak. 

He found a small paper in Sakshya’s hand. He thought it should be given to her Mom so he did so. When she opened the paper, she read the note out loud. It said, “Mom, I don’t know who will get this note but I hope you get to read it first. Please don’t be upset because of my action. I know I pushed myself to my death and I have made peace with that I hope you will too. I don’t know what to say that will make your pain go away but please don’t hurt yourself because of me. Dad must be devastated as well but I hope you have it in your heart to forgive me. Also could you do something for me? Please tell Harry that I’m sorry. I didn’t mean to make him worry so much. Please tell him to hang on and be fine and cheerful even after I’m gone. I’m sorry to leave you everybody but I am gone now and I’m glad that I don’t have any regrets in life. Farewell.”

Every students’ heart is pounding as fast as it can, as you know, EXAMS are coming. Everything gets wrapped up; the plans for the weekends are being canceled, no child is seen on the playground, everyone forgot about the movie released, no gatherings are happening now and all they do is stick to their chairs and start revising things with fear. Half fear about not getting good scores even after they prepared so much and the remaining fear whether the invigilator is going to allow them to do any of their criminal activities inside the exam hall or will they manage to copy from their friends and so it goes on, and examination fever (examine-phobia) is they all suffer from.

The temperature increases as the exams approach near. Even after a good preparation, the examinee thinks as if he never learned anything in the whole year. And finally, on the day of examination, the examinee tries to go over answers only and prays to God to make everything proper. Now when he receives the question paper, his mind gets blocked and his pen gets stopped which gives him a feeling as if everything blew out suddenly from his mind and now all he knows is- Nothing.

Even after the exam the fever doesn’t go away but haunts the student every night with evil dreams about failing the exam. After the result gets published, he fears to face his parents, relatives and his friends who will go to the next grade but not him. All he can do now is make excuses regarding his failure like- there might be something wrong with the examiner or maybe my extra answer sheets didn’t get attached properly. This becomes a painful situation for everyone.

 It is believed that examinations are held for evaluating students’ performance, their mental ability, and knowledge. Examinations make students work harder. They will fear failure which will also help them know their capacity and they can get placed accordingly into different careers. But examinations are only a gift from the British rule.

 I personally dislike the idea about the examination system of our country where exams encourage cramming rather than true and appropriate knowledge. When I am in the examination hall, I feel like a worker in a factory who gets instructed to do the exact required things for a given time limit, obeying the rule for specific hours. A year of hard work and knowledge and there is a 3-hour test which is enough for your life damage. All your rote learning for a year goes in vain. Yes, ‘rote learning’ is the appropriate word I find to describe the effort of a student of our country in terms of learning. I find many of my friends getting good grades even if they never understood anything and that is for a short period of time but what about getting good scores in the real-life examination? 

 I would not go against the idea of taking examinations but surely against the system of approaching examinations. Every single person pressurizing individuals for rote learning is responsible for the suicide attempt of thousands of students every year whose dreams are stolen under the pressure of exams, for those who are dying of examination fever!

The trees are in their autumn beauty; the woodland paths are dry, 
Under the October twilight, the water –mirror’s a still sky.
When I first met you, I wished to have a golden pair of sparkling shoes,                                
I thought you would get me like Prince Charming;
traveling the whole town while I wait for you in my shiny shoes!

My dream had come true and I was your beauty and you were my beast,                      
I wished I were, but that sweet a character in any fairytale.
But like in every fairytale mine story had a twist;                                                         
Love took my dignity while my dignity knew no love.

“zzzzzz” my mobile bombinated with a sweet ringer,                                                    
I checked my phone and saw it was you – my love! Or so I thought!
You said, “I want you and I wish to behold the beauty you hide!”                                           
I denied and I cried and I pleaded to conclude!

But – you changed; persisted and turned stubborn and rude,                                          
Afraid of losing you I changed my mind and mood.
I switched on to my front camera – selfie mode!                                                                    
And in its frame I lay – just I!                                                                                      
My pride, my shyness, my dignity – I lay all behind!

And a “click”                                                                                                                
I sent you every curve and edges of my body – unseen were my soul and heart engraved in it!                                                                                                                 
As the moon bid goodbye and the sun ray’s penetrated the dawn,                                                     
I woke up assuming that my relationship has taken a new shape and I the protagonist, 
the lover like in any fairytale!

But then my mobile started bombinating again- unusually,                                                     
I thought it was you – perhaps you were sorry or you wanted to talk something of merry!
I blushed – thinking and framing our cute future pictures – the love birds!                                
But then I saw my friend texting me those pictures – those intimate pictures!                          
I was to be seen – only I !

I was low; repulsive what perhaps should have been a mark of love turned hideous!                                                                                                                            
 I slit my wrist;                                                                                                                               
The mark on my wrist is a testament of my folly which I must confess!                                         

I lay there bleeding and saw my mother – a phone in her hand,                                                                   
How I wished she could never see her puku withered, ashamed and shattered!                  
I cried, I begged and I pleaded for forgiveness,                                                                      
And she stood there - in despair.

And that was it, I saw my fairytale befall into innumerable pieces,                                              
I realized – neither was I sleeping beauty nor snow white                                                         
A moment of silence and I felt my life had turned bright!
I got my happily ever after, in a hereafter                                                                              
Perhaps what they call a paradise!
 

Why should you be aware of this question?

Philosopher Arthur Schopenhauer said, “Those who don't wonder about the contingency of their existence, of the contingency of the world's existence, are mentally deficient.” 

“Why there is something rather than nothing?” is one of the biggest unsolved “why” questions. It became more popular when Leibniz wondered “Why is there a Universe at all?” and the question was completely valid because there could have been nothing rather than stars, galaxies, and earth and it required a proper explanation. But many Physicists including Leibniz explained it by simply taking the proportionality constant GOD and he created the universe just because he wants to create and that’s what many people of the world believe. God is so powerful that he can create the universe from nothing but my question to the theist is “Why does God exist?” and even if god exists then “Why did he create the Universe?” and don’t god want to know how he came into existence? People often say that God created the Universe because he was so bored with the question of how he came into existence, so created the universe just to distract himself from the question.

In the last 70-80 years, Physics has evolved so much that now we know that the Universe can exit from sheer nothingness. There are theories like  Big Bang theory, inflation theory, QUANTUM FIELD THEORY which are the best theory to explain how Universe came into existence and there are physicists like Lawrence Krauss who believes Universe came into existence from sheer nothingness and Legendary Wheeler (teacher of Richard Feynman) proposed an idea on the basis of quantum fluctuations that even an apparently perfect vacuum seethes with particles and antiparticles which can pop-out into existence. 

Lawrence Krauss in his book "Universe from nothing" has written that virtual particles can pop to existence from nothing by quantum fluctuations of the field from the vacuum and in the same way our universe came into existence, but the question is “How this quantum fluctuations works?” If space-time began to exist with the universe how can these quantum fluctuations generate the universe?

We have the combination of Big Bang theory and Einstein’s Relativity  and inflation theory to understand how the universe came into existence but to date we don’t know why does the universe exist and it makes sense to even ask “Why does this article exist?” 

Being an agnostic person what I would like to say is, Mathematics is the language of the Universe and Science is the key to our future and if you don’t believe in it then you are taking yourself, society and your next generation backward.                    

“Dream or nightmare, we have to live our experience as it is, and we have to live it awake. We live in a world that is penetrated through and through by science and which is both whole and real. We cannot turn it into a game simply by picking sides.”  

JACOB BROWNSKI

The Mandalorian is an American web television series that aired on the new Disney Plus streaming service from mid-November 2019. It is a Star Wars spin-off TV series that features a Mandalorian ( A Creed of Skilled Warriors- Mercenaries- Bounty Hunters ) named Din Djarin who is played by the handsome Pedro Pascal, he is well-recognized for playing Javier Pena in Narcos and Oberyn Martell in Game of Thrones. This show gives us an intricate look at the risky and thrilling adventures of our protagonist: Din Djarin. Excluding Din, we have characters important to the plot like a green baby alien: conveniently named Baby Yoda, Cara Dune: An old mercenary friend of Din, Greef Karga: The head at the Mercenary Guild and how could we forget our antagonist: one of the imperials of The Empire itself- A inter-galactic fascist organization, Moff Gideon is our bad guy, played by Giancarlo Esposito who is famous for playing Gustavo Fring in the hit ABC TV series Breaking Bad.

Din, an orphaned kid whose parents are murdered by killer droids, is saved by some good-willed Mandalorians. He becomes a Mandalorian himself, ruthless and cold-blooded, he seems to be very good at hunting down his foes. Until one day, one of his bounty hunting missions changes everything. He is ordered to retrieve a “package” which ends up being a psychic alien: Baby Yoda. The rock-solid determination and cold whim of Din is changed forever as the alien once saves Din from unavoidable mortal danger. This leads Din to ultimately break all ties with his employer: The Mercenary guild betraying them. The story keeps progressing as Din starts to learn morality, kindness and the virtue of innocence from the baby alien and other side characters. I think the show is trying to tell us how even the harshest of people will have the softest of hearts if given the right treatment and situation to nurture themselves. The finale is even more epic and heart-wrenching. This is the episode where our hero: Mando finds redemption, and his whole story arc comes to a satisfying end until the show ends with a dramatic cliffhanger.

Overall, The Mandalorian is one of such TV series that can be watched by audiences of all ages and is especially a treat for long time Star Wars fans like me, myself.

कविताको रसातलमा डुबुल्की मारेर
कविको आत्माले पुकारिरहेछ
त्यो भावनाको तन 
रातभर जाग्राम बसेर रचनाको शिखर
हासिल गरेको यो उल्लुको 
न्यानो अभिवादन !
 
झिसमिसेको शोभाले लोभी तुल्याइ
उद्देश्यहीन टिप्पणीमा व्यस्त
सैतान समयका उल्लुहरू
खलियानको धान  मास्नु भन्दा
भकानिएको भकारोको
सेवा गर्न लाग बरू।।
 
कृत्रिम अनर्थको अर्थले  टोकसेर
राजनीतिको कोरोनले बेरिएका
सरकारी भाइरसहरू
अस्तित्वहीन उल्लुको गन्धले
नाककै स्वाहा भयो
उन्मुक्ति देऊ महादेव बरू।।
 
 
 
लाचार उल्लुबादको सिद्धान्तमा होमिएर 
सङ्ग्रामको विधेयक पेस गर्न
संसदभवन पसेका उल्लुलाई 
गुलेलीले नभई भाटाले लखेट्नुछ
उद्दण्डको पुराण विरुद्ध नारा लगाई    
 
शान्ति र अमनचैनको बाचा गरेर
शोषण उत्पीडनका सपना बोक्ने
बिदेशी प्रभुका आशामुखी दूतलाई
म आफैले आफैलाई
उल्लुको उपनाम टक्रयाउदै छु
मिच्‍न नै सकिएन ती सम्राज्यबादी भूतलाई।।
 
७० सेकेन्डको अडियो चुहावटले
मुख नापेर थन्किएको ७० करोड
तह लाउन नसकेको उल्लुले
मुलुक विकासका स्वर्णीम भविष्यको 
बडा बिचित्र बात गर्छ
तर अब पत्याउछ पो कल्ले।।  
 
उल्लु संरक्षण गर्न लागि परेको
ठुलै कदको उल्लुलाई  
सत्ता भासिने जनमतको
उदयले पिरोल्छ विश्राम
लिएर व्यथा सुनाउने पो कल्लाई।।
 
बालुवाटारको सीमानामा गिद्दे
नजरलाई ब्रज हानी
ललिताको ललितामा आँखा तन्काउने उल्लुलाई
जीवनमरण सङ्घर्षको खासै ज्ञाननै भएन
जस्तो छ भुँडी फुलाई बस्या छ
भाको एक थान संविधानलाई लत्याई।।
                
उल्लुको
महत्वाकांक्षी रवाफमा छट्पटाई
स्वाधीनता लुटेर लग्यो
आफ्नो भन्न नपाई
भाषणका शब्दहरू निसासिएर
कोलाहल गर्दै छन्
साँचो भावानाको वर्णन गर्न नभ्याई।।
   
तसर्थ,
उल्लुको संरक्षण गर्नु 
महापाप हो
आगामी दिनकाे उद्देश्य भनेकै
उल्लुबादको सिद्दान्तलाइ निमिट्यान्न
पार्नु हो
उल्लु बिरुद्ध
एकजुट भइ लागाैँ
ती प्रतिगामी उल्लुको उत्छेद गर्न
पछि नाभागौँ।।
 

I hated what I saw in the mirror, this is what I thought, “she is boring, she is not good, she’s weak.” I had so many negative thoughts about myself and I believed them even though it didn’t come from them it came from myself and I think that’s what made it worse but now the lesson that I have learned is tell yourself that you are beautiful, strong and independent and whatever you want to do in your life is okay because you’re the captain of your life and whatever way you want to go you can go that way, bring people that believe in you. For me beauty is not what attracts your eyes but your soul because outer beauty fades away with your age. The place where you can be young forever is your soul. No scars can stop you from being beautiful until and unless you choose to be yourself don’t let others prospective hurt your inner peace. You’re going to feel way better once you start valuing yourself. You are uniquely you and you are worthy even if you don’t feel like it because change takes time and it will change. The relationship that you have with yourself is the most complicated because you can’t walk away from yourself. You have to deal with every flaw. You have to find a way to love who you are even when you are disgusted with yourself. Never try to compete or compare yourself with anyone because everyone has their different path just focus on making yourself better which doesn’t mean you have to be positive all the time it’s unrealistic. You are allowed to feel like you’re overwhelmed with sadness. You are allowed to feel that you are an inch away from giving up. What matters most is that you stay real and hopeful and that you don’t stop fighting for what you believe. Too often teens with mental illness are dismissed as ‘teenagers’ , women as ‘emotional’ and men told to ‘man up’. We deny our problems but that’s not the solution because you and your feelings matter. It's normal to have days when you just don’t like the way you look but also cherish days when you think you look good. You have no control over what people think you are. So don’t worry about it. If they want to hate some fictional version of you existing in their mind, let them. Don’t exhaust yourself winning over people you can’t win over. You spend most of your time in your head thinking so, make it a nice place to be in. Start pointing out what you love about yourself rather than hating what you don’t. Look at yourself with a lens of acceptance. No matter how expensive clothes you wear, how beautiful you look people are just going to remember how you treated them. Just a simple reminder to those who are struggling for their dream, do not for a second forget your worth. You are worthy of love even if what other or your confused thoughts believe. Today might be a bad day. Tomorrow as well. But it won’t determine the life you were destined for. You are beautiful and you matter.

Hi there. My name is Clay Jones. I am 23 years old. For now, that's all I remember. I woke up just now in a bed in an empty home which I am assuming is my home. I roamed around for a bit but still couldn't remember anything about this place. I started wondering, "Is this really my home?" I went outside of the house and saw some people staring at me. Perhaps it was because of the way I was. I was dressed poorly and still smelled like 2 bottles of vodka so I'm assuming that I must have been really drunk the night before. Maybe this is the reason for my memory loss but then again, hangover can't be this bad. I should remember something other than my name and my address. I couldn't do anything there so I went back and slept in the same bed.

The next morning I woke up, I started remembering something. It's probably because of the dream I had last night. In the dream, I saw everything about my childhood that is up to the point when I was 12 years old. Now, I remember all of my family and some of my friends. The speed is slow but I'm starting to remember something. I got myself freshened up and thought about what to do next.

I searched for my phone all around the house and finally found it after an hour under my couch. When I searched in the contacts section, ironically I only found the contacts of members of my family only. It either means that I have no friends whatsoever. But that seemed weird. My house was also almost empty. There wasn't anything that seemed like a gift I might have received. There weren't any photographs I might have taken. Even my phone was empty, not even a single photograph. The only thing I had was the phone number of my father, mother, and sister. Now I knew I couldn't call my parents because I pretty much seemed like having the worst hangover. So I decided to call my sister.

She came to the house as soon as she could and I filled her in on what happened after I woke up. At first, she didn't believe me but later I convinced her. She couldn't believe it. Later when she said, "By the way, whose house are you in?” I was petrified. I spent a whole day in another person's house. So she put me in her car and took me to a hotel. She dropped me at the nearest hotel and said, "Just relax for a while and take a few days off of everything that's been happening to you." I knew that she was right but I couldn't still shake the feeling that something is definitely wrong with me but I was too tired to think about it so I went up to my room and slept. 

A funny thing happened that night. I dreamt the next 2 years of my life. That really seemed weird and I got freaked out but I managed to get my head together and thought about what to do next. Now I remember my life before I was 14 years old. That isn’t much for me to start living like a normal person but it does give me a start. Remembering those two years didn’t help me much. 

I remembered my first girlfriend. Thinking that there is a slight possibility that I’m still in a relationship with this person, I started to track where she was. Her name was Julia Scott and she was indeed very beautiful. After a few hours of calling, I finally tracked her down. I went up to her house and waved her hello. I saw her being really mellow when she saw me and figured out that she’ll be nice to me. She came closer and closer. My heart began to race. When she was finally very close to me, she started hitting me in places that were only meant by God to be treated nicely. And she hit me hard. She screamed at me. I couldn’t exactly make out what she was saying. Without any delay, I ran out of there as soon as I could. I must have had a really bad break up with her. 

Having been beaten so badly by a girl that day really got all of my energy that day so I decided to do nothing but rest in my hotel room. When I fell down on the bed for a quick nap, I fell asleep.

I dreamt once again. This time I dreamt the next 3 years of my life. When I woke up, I remembered my life until the time I was 17. By this time, I had already finished middle school and was about to finish high school as well. I remembered what happened to me and Julia. You see, I had like 8 months of relationship with her and when she and I were in different high school, I kind of fell in love with another girl and never called Julia again. Yesterday was actually the first time she had seen me in like 7 years. So, her reaction was considerable. I didn’t think that I would turn out to be such a jerk.

I didn’t even track down this new girlfriend of mine. The one I had in high school. Yesterday I got beaten and I don’t want to go through that again. I find out that I ended a relationship of 8 months without even blinking, who knows what I might have done. So, there was nothing I could do. I didn’t even want to call my sister. The way she talked to me, I feel like she’s hiding something from me. In my current state, I really can’t trust anybody. Not even family. So I did nothing about that.

I went out for a stroll. I went to Central Park and started thinking about me. Something is definitely wrong with me. I have only seen such things in movies and now it’s actually happening with me. I’m very scared. I don’t know what I’ll remember tomorrow. Some horrible memories may change my life forever. What if I was a serial killer? What if I was a criminal? What if I was attacked by an alien who wiped out my memory temporarily? These questions came to my head and I really couldn’t get an answer to any of them?

I went back to the hotel and decided to sleep. After all, it was the only thing in my life that I could do for my greater good.

I had another dream. The next 3 years of my life came back to me. I was in college. This time with another girlfriend. Man, I was freaking nuts back then. It seemed like I always got a start in a relationship but never made it last longer. I am starting to see myself as a very bad person because, in both of my past relationships, I was the one who broke it off and hurt the girls in the most painful way. Doesn’t it feel so terrifying? Forgetting everything about yourself and remembering the same painful moments again to find out how horrible you are.

When I checked out my phone, it was full of contacts of the people I do remember. Now I was seriously freaked out. The first day, I woke up, I only had phone numbers of a couple of people on my phone and now there are hundreds. I’m not a strong believer of heaven and hell but I knew that this thing that is happening to me isn’t ordinary. It must be supernatural. Or at least I thought so.

I think I’m starting to go crazy. My mind is full of questions of which I don’t know the answers. It feels like my head is going to explode with all the stress. Then again, I didn’t have anyone I could actually trust to share my present condition with. The only person who knows is my sister but still, I don’t want to talk with her about this. She’ll probably think that I’m crazy.

All this time, I have been staying at a hotel and I hadn’t paid my fees. So I went to check my bank balance thinking it might have some money that I can use. When I suddenly got there, I was surprised. I was a millionaire. I don’t quite remember how I got this much money but I was happy to see it. So I continued to stay at the hotel. What would you do if you had like a million dollars and nothing to do because you don’t remember one of the most important parts of life? So, I just went on spending it without any hesitation. Truth be told, with everything that’s been going around I don’t even know if I will wake up tomorrow.

A funny thing happened the next day. I didn’t dream anything. Nothing came back. So I figured I must be 21 years old. But it doesn’t make sense. I don’t remember where I got the money. I don’t know what I do for a living. I can’t still be in college but I don’t remember graduating. So many questions. I thought I was freaking out before but now I've freaked out on a whole another level. So, I called my sister and asked, “How old am I?” She said about 24. I hung up immediately. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought about why I didn’t recall anything today. I can’t think of any theories for my current situation. At first, I remembered the 12 years of my life. Then 2 years and again the next 3 years and after that again 3 years. So all the remembering part was occurring randomly until today. I didn’t try to make a big deal out of it and thought that I’ll remember everything the next day. But I was wrong.

Days passed but still no memory of the past 4 years of my life. For the life of me, I can’t remember what happened in the last four years. I’m guessing that it has to do something with me forgetting all these things as well. I had to figure out what’s going on with me, but there was no one who could tell me what’s going on?

2 months passed and still, I couldn’t remember anything? So, I called my sister and told her that I have completely lost the past 4 years of my life and I can’t remember it in any way. The 20 years before that was very easy to remember. I just had to fall asleep and everything would come back to me. It’s been two months that this is happening but I don’t think I’ll get used to it. I’m about to become a madman and I need someone to help me. My sister just said, “I can’t help you. I actually don’t know anything about what you’re going through? You haven’t even told me what you’ve been doing the past 2 months. How can I help you when you can’t even be completely honest with me?” She hung up the phone. But just before that I think I heard her sobbing. Maybe I was hallucinating or maybe I wasn’t. But I knew that the answers to my questions were with my sister.

I realized my mistake just after. I completely removed any contacts with another human being. I remember reading a sentence in a book that said, “You can only be free of all the sorrows and stress in your life if you open up with someone, someone close.” I should have talked with her before. I think she might just have helped me.

I rushed towards her home and rang the doorbell. When she opened, I immediately went inside, closed the door, made her sit down on the couch and said, “I know you are hiding something from me. Just tell me what it is. I’m sorry for the way I acted in these past 2 months but please. I’m desperate. I need to know what happened in those past 4 years.” Huge drops of tears fell down my cheeks down on earth like a dewdrop as I told her this.

She replied, “I can’t see you like this anymore. What started out to be the thing to help you is now hurting you. So, I think, it’s about time that you know about Kara. I think you should know about the person you fell in love with for the first time.”

She told me everything. She told me all the details of the past 4 years of my life. When she finished, my instant reaction was, “There is no way that it is possible. Such things couldn’t have happened.” Of course, I could just live in denial. But from what I remembered, I hadn’t seen my sister being this serious ever. So I had to believe her but it was hard.

Having such huge information dropped on me, I couldn’t handle myself. So, I went back to my room. All I could think was, “Is it really possible?” After a while, I was too tired to even put my mind to anything so I slept. Then it happened. I dreamt again. This time, it was a little different. The dream felt as though I was living it at the moment.

I woke up and realized it was all true. I couldn’t move myself. I was petrified. Now I had to believe my story with Kara.

I’m going to tell you my story. From my past you must have figured out that I am not great at relationships. I always broke it off when small complications arose in my mind. I was never a stable person. Some might even say, I am spoiled. After I got a breakthrough in one of the technology I designed, I got recognized. I got a patent for it and the funny thing is the tech I designed got popular all over the world. It was complex energy storing technology that was small as in can be carried in our pockets but had massive energy storing capacity which could power up a building. So, I started making decent money soon. So I got even more spoiled as you might have figured.

One day when I was travelling across Europe. In a coffeehouse in Munich, I saw a girl. Normally I am the kind of person who notices a beautiful girl and thinks, “Wow, she’s hot” and forget she even exists after 5 minutes or so. But this time something was different. I just kept staring at her immediately after she noticed me. I thought she probably thinks that I am creepy and would not even bother talking with me. But she didn’t. Even if she was looking at me, I couldn’t stop staring at her. Her brown long hair with bangs. That face is as beautiful as the snowy mountains and eyes the color of ocean after the storm. I’m just kidding, they were green. I finished my drink and was about to leave the place. There might have been a story there but I remembered my past relationships and just thought, “Why bother?” That story was over or so I thought. Just as I was about to go out of the coffeehouse, she came to me and tapped on my back and said, “I noticed you were looking at me there. So, tell me what you were thinking?” I said, “I thought you were umm…. Beautiful.” “I am, aren’t I? Do you have some time, perhaps you could join me for lunch today”, she said. I just got asked out but this beautiful girl and it was hard to say no so I nodded my head yes. She must have thought I was a freak. She said, “I know this great place around the corner if you want to try it.” This time, I said “Yes.”

Progress right? So she led the way and I followed her. Soon we were at the bank of a river nearby. It was cloudy weather and a breeze of chilly air just made the moment even more perfect. She and I talked about each other’s life. I found out that I have many things in common with her. She was also on vacation. Apparently she had just won a lottery and was travelling the world. Soon, we really bonded and I wasn’t afraid anymore to be with her. Then she said something. Her exact words were, “Clearly, we have some chemistry here. I just met you but I have this feeling you are something special. So, before everything becomes serious I just want to point out that, I was a very spoiled kid and I still am. So think carefully.” These words only made me feel closer to her. It seemed like I was destined to meet her there. The weather, her words and the feeling we had for each other made it the perfect way to start a new chapter in my life. And that’s how I met Kara.

 After talking about those crappy romantic stuffs, we both headed towards that lunch place she liked very much. Afterwards we again went out for a walk. I was the kind of person who was lazy and didn’t use to walk literally 2 meters away from my bed to get the controller to change the channel of the TV. I would rather watch a shitty soap drama that gets out of the bed and walk 2 meter to get the remote controller. But with her, it didn’t feel like I was walking at all. I felt so free with her. More than I had felt all my life. You know I was always bounded in a simple life because of my family. But, she made me realize there’s more to life than just having a job, wife and kids.

As you probably would have guessed, we traveled the world together. I had such an amazing time with her. It was the most amazing 2 months of my life. Having just been in a 2 month old relationship, I fell for her. She was someone special. I knew that I had to hold her with me and never let go. From the words of George Benson, “I might have been in love before but it never felt this strong.” I wasn’t the spoiled brat who couldn’t care about anyone else but myself anymore. I had changed. All because a girl tapped on by back at a coffeehouse.

Soon we both came back to our hometown. She lived in New Jersey and I was in Manhattan so we used to meet regularly. She was like drugs for me. I couldn’t get enough of her. I was very happy. I could tell that she was too.

About two years passed and by this time we were living together. We had this small apartment right in the middle of the city and were happier than ever. Everything was right with the world and everyday felt like a story taken right out of a fairy tale. I know it’s cheesy for a guy to say “fairy tale” but it was how it was.

It was the three year anniversary of the day I first met Kara. It was the perfect moment for me to ask her to be my wife. I knew it was too soon but at the same time I was very excited. I couldn’t imagine my life being this awesome with any other person than her. The thought of waking up next to her was both thrilling and satisfying. I prepared everything for a perfect evening.

I bought a lot of jasmine, her favorite flowers and put it all over our apartment. I put a small round table on the middle of the apartment. I even bought all the ingredients for the dinner because I was going to cook for her that night. She said she had to go to the doctor for her routine examination. She insisted to bring wine for the date we were going to have in our apartment. And just when she would think that the night can’t get more magical than this, I’ll pop the question, “Will you marry me?”

Everything was going according to the plan and as that moment came closer and closer I became more and more excited. I hadn’t seen her that day because she got up early and went to work. I didn’t even know how she dressed. The doorbell rang. I rushed and opened the door. There she was. The princess of my dreams. Standing on the doorsteps with a bottle of wine on her one hand and her purse on the other. As the night started, she was shocked to see me put this much effort for her. By this time she also knew I was lazy on a whole another level. She was surprised but she didn’t look happy. I asked, “Babe, Is something wrong?” She smiled and said, “No. How can I be? I’m okay. You did this for me. I don’t have a single reason to be upset now.” I also took her words and in that excitement I forgot to see the pain behind that smile and the sorrow behind that, “I’m okay.” If only I had.

Next thing I know, she went to the kitchen and brought two glasses with wine poured on. She handed one of them to me. She said, “To 3 years of tolerating each other’s craziness.” I smiled and replied, “You know I will cheers to that.” Just as I drank the wine, I started to feel a little dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out. I said, “What is this Kara?” She put her head down and said, “I’m sorry to do this but I can’t be with you anymore. There was no easy way to say this. So, I drugged you so I can get out of here and you couldn’t follow me. Don’t worry. You’ll fall asleep now and when you wake up think of this as a nightmare. I hope you will someday find it in your heart to forgive me. For some reasons I can’t tell you why I am doing this but you really can’t be with me from now. I put my name off the lease this morning so this apartment is yours. Goodbye Clay. May our paths never cross again.” I was almost passed out at the moment but I think I saw her looking back at me just as she was about to walk out that door having tears all over her eyes. Maybe I was hallucinating. Maybe.

So that happened but you might think it still doesn’t explain how I ended up in that apartment. To know that story, I have to tell you what my sister told me back at the hotel. She said, “So the day before you got dumped, Kara came to me and said that she couldn’t be with you anymore and had to get away from you. I was angry at her as she was going to break you. But she said something after that calmed me down. She said that she knew a place, an institute that can brainwash you about ever being with me and he won’t even remember me. It’s a completely safe procedure and it’s been tested. So, there won't be any problem. I didn’t know how but I thought that it was a good idea. I agreed to it. But I didn’t ask her why she was going to leave you. She left so quickly that I didn’t have the chance to. So I can’t exactly tell you. But there might have been some mistake with the procedure. You remembered everything. That wasn’t supposed to happen. But that is everything I know about this. So I’m sorry that you can’t get all the answers you are seeking. That you can’t remember what actually happened between you and your first love.”

“My first love? I have been in love with Julia before Kara”, I said. She corrected me, “No you haven’t. Even if you had, you must not have told me.” To that I said, “No I distinctly remember that I told you about her.” She denied it and that just created an argument. Eventually we both wouldn’t let another one win so we decided to go visit Julia. I didn’t want to but I had to get to the bottom of this. Just as I was about to ring the doorbell, I remembered my last visit there and it scared me. So, I asked my sister to ring it. She opened the door and just got into the ‘Rage-mode” and started yelling at me. My sister helped me calm her down as we told her my entire story. I asked her, “Do you know Kara? I’ve been trying to figure out what happened with me for weeks now and I really need something that leads me to the conclusion. Please, if you can, will you help me?”

She just gave a crooked smile and said, “There isn’t any point hiding it anymore so I’m just going to tell you. I’m not your first girlfriend. My name is in fact Julia Scott but we never knew each other. I’m a friend of Kara and she asked me to help her. After listening to her story, I just had to do what she asked of me. She must have really loved you.” I said, “That’s the point, she didn’t love me. If she had, she must not have left me in the weirdest way imaginable.” She replied, “Oh sweety, you don’t know but by leaving you she in fact showed that she “did” loved you. More than anyone in this world.”

As Julia began to tell Kara’s side of the story, I and my sister listened intensely. She began, “The day she left you, she came to me in the afternoon. She mentioned that she had just visited the doctor for her regular check-up and found out that she had leukemia. It was serious and at most she could only live for a couple of months. She was so afraid about how you would feel after she would leave you. For like 2 hours all she could do was search how to make you feel better. She was sobbing the whole time. I tried comforting her by saying that death is a part of life and you should not fear it. But her eyes clearly said that, it was losing you she feared. It’s actually no surprise she wouldn’t be scared to die. I mean, she was literally the most cheerful and carefree person I have ever known. So, I realized that there was nothing I could say to make her feel better. After about two hours she tracked down an institute that manipulates the human mind in every way. She rushed there and asked what their services were. She learned everything about the procedure. She still had a lot of money so she paid the fees for the services. Then she bought a small apartment to keep you and then told the people of the institute to perform the treatment in that house. She spent another hour with herself. I don’t know what she did. She brought up all her courage and went to confront you. She just realized, that it was your anniversary which only made it hard. She did mention that she would erase all your memory and then fill it again one day at a time. She even altered me in your memory and told me how to react if you ever come to me. She gave you most dreadful memories when it came to your relationships. Even if you never had a serious relationship, if you know how awful you are at it, you wouldn’t come looking after her. She did everything possible to keep you away from her. She’d rather see you hurt than feel nothing at all. I know she asked me to make sure that you never find out about this, but I think somethings aren’t meant to fall apart. You should go to her. Even if she might not live, she could still enjoy the last of her life. But, it’s your choice actually. If you want to, I’ll give you her address.”

I couldn’t speak for minutes and then I finally broke the silence. I said, “For the past months, I have had many questions in my head and this is the answer to all of them. I just have to meet her again. I just have to.” 

So I got her address and made all the preparations for the leave the next day. I was pretty tired having all these information dumped on me. I went to the apartment she left me in. I looked around but couldn’t find anything that was related to her. I was just about to sleep and I saw something at the other corner of the room. I went and picked it up. It was a little snowflake necklace I got her back in the days. I held onto that and went to sleep wondering, “What things do I have left for tomorrow.”

I learned that she was in Munich, the place where we first met. I didn’t know where exactly. I searched for her like a week and still couldn’t find her. As I was walking on the streets of Munich, I saw the coffeehouse. The place where we first met. I went in for a cup of coffee. I first went in because I was too tired and I could really use a cup of coffee but as I spent time there, I started remembering my times with her. I just smiled. I finished my coffee and walked out of there. Every memory of her just didn’t let me go away from that place. So, I went back inside only for a moment. I looked at every corner of that place. Just as I was about to turn back and walk out of that door, I heard a “click”, the sound of door opening, and just as fate would have it, there she was. 

She looked up at me, we both stared at each other for a few minutes. I couldn’t say anything and neither could she. After sometimes I said, “Hey, You look good.” She started sobbing and got out without even saying a word. I chased her. After a while she stopped and looked at me and said, “You should not be here. I made sure that you wouldn’t mean to be. Then how?” I just smiled and said, “I guess somethings aren’t meant to fall apart.” She came to me, hugged me tightly. It was like her emotions were telling me not to let go of her. She said, “I thought I could live without you. After all, it was only for a few months. But now that you are actually here, I don’t think I could leave you again.” I comforted her and said that she didn’t have to let me go. 

We went to the hospital and I analyzed all her situation. It seemed like there was only a slight possibility that she would live but for that that was worth fighting for. She and I promised each other that we would do anything to fight this. And we did. We went to all the doctor’s appointments. She took every medication and treatment. Even if she was scared of all of them, she did it. Even with everything we did, her health didn’t seem to be improving. 

After all this, since her health condition didn’t improve, doctors suggested a surgery. There was a high risk doing it but if it was successful, she could actually live. But if it wasn’t then it was sure that she would die. It was a huge decision for both of us. She said that she was going to go through with the surgery. Her exact words were, “If I do this, I might die but look at the bright side as well. I might live as well. If I don’t do this now, we will spend even more time with each other and it would be hard of you to let me go. So, please let me do this. I am not scared this time. I have you.” I took her to the hospital the next day. She was ready. With a smile in her face and watery eyes she went with the doctors. I waited for a long time without any news. I couldn’t even fall asleep. After 2 days, a doctor came out and said what happened. Maybe it was her cheerful spirit or maybe it was my support or maybe it was just a miracle but she survived.

The doctors let me see her and as I went inside, I saw her resting. She was sleeping but she was smiling. I know that she couldn’t have known that I was there but I like to think that she knew. Moments later she opened her eyes and said, “We did it Clay.” I cried at that point and just couldn’t say anything. We went to her place and stayed in Munich for a while then we moved back to our home. Even though she was cured, I knew that I still had to take care of her and I did. We are still living with each other. Being married to her was so much fun. I still like to wonder, “What would have happened if her plan had worked out." I guess somethings are better left in the imagination.