Written by: Saurav Dhakal - 20125, Grade XII
Posted on: 10 March, 2020
Hi there. My name is Clay Jones. I am 23 years old. For now, that's all I remember. I woke up just now in a bed in an empty home which I am assuming is my home. I roamed around for a bit but still couldn't remember anything about this place. I started wondering, "Is this really my home?" I went outside of the house and saw some people staring at me. Perhaps it was because of the way I was. I was dressed poorly and still smelled like 2 bottles of vodka so I'm assuming that I must have been really drunk the night before. Maybe this is the reason for my memory loss but then again, hangover can't be this bad. I should remember something other than my name and my address. I couldn't do anything there so I went back and slept in the same bed.
The next morning I woke up, I started remembering something. It's probably because of the dream I had last night. In the dream, I saw everything about my childhood that is up to the point when I was 12 years old. Now, I remember all of my family and some of my friends. The speed is slow but I'm starting to remember something. I got myself freshened up and thought about what to do next.
I searched for my phone all around the house and finally found it after an hour under my couch. When I searched in the contacts section, ironically I only found the contacts of members of my family only. It either means that I have no friends whatsoever. But that seemed weird. My house was also almost empty. There wasn't anything that seemed like a gift I might have received. There weren't any photographs I might have taken. Even my phone was empty, not even a single photograph. The only thing I had was the phone number of my father, mother, and sister. Now I knew I couldn't call my parents because I pretty much seemed like having the worst hangover. So I decided to call my sister.
She came to the house as soon as she could and I filled her in on what happened after I woke up. At first, she didn't believe me but later I convinced her. She couldn't believe it. Later when she said, "By the way, whose house are you in?” I was petrified. I spent a whole day in another person's house. So she put me in her car and took me to a hotel. She dropped me at the nearest hotel and said, "Just relax for a while and take a few days off of everything that's been happening to you." I knew that she was right but I couldn't still shake the feeling that something is definitely wrong with me but I was too tired to think about it so I went up to my room and slept.
A funny thing happened that night. I dreamt the next 2 years of my life. That really seemed weird and I got freaked out but I managed to get my head together and thought about what to do next. Now I remember my life before I was 14 years old. That isn’t much for me to start living like a normal person but it does give me a start. Remembering those two years didn’t help me much.
I remembered my first girlfriend. Thinking that there is a slight possibility that I’m still in a relationship with this person, I started to track where she was. Her name was Julia Scott and she was indeed very beautiful. After a few hours of calling, I finally tracked her down. I went up to her house and waved her hello. I saw her being really mellow when she saw me and figured out that she’ll be nice to me. She came closer and closer. My heart began to race. When she was finally very close to me, she started hitting me in places that were only meant by God to be treated nicely. And she hit me hard. She screamed at me. I couldn’t exactly make out what she was saying. Without any delay, I ran out of there as soon as I could. I must have had a really bad break up with her.
Having been beaten so badly by a girl that day really got all of my energy that day so I decided to do nothing but rest in my hotel room. When I fell down on the bed for a quick nap, I fell asleep.
I dreamt once again. This time I dreamt the next 3 years of my life. When I woke up, I remembered my life until the time I was 17. By this time, I had already finished middle school and was about to finish high school as well. I remembered what happened to me and Julia. You see, I had like 8 months of relationship with her and when she and I were in different high school, I kind of fell in love with another girl and never called Julia again. Yesterday was actually the first time she had seen me in like 7 years. So, her reaction was considerable. I didn’t think that I would turn out to be such a jerk.
I didn’t even track down this new girlfriend of mine. The one I had in high school. Yesterday I got beaten and I don’t want to go through that again. I find out that I ended a relationship of 8 months without even blinking, who knows what I might have done. So, there was nothing I could do. I didn’t even want to call my sister. The way she talked to me, I feel like she’s hiding something from me. In my current state, I really can’t trust anybody. Not even family. So I did nothing about that.
I went out for a stroll. I went to Central Park and started thinking about me. Something is definitely wrong with me. I have only seen such things in movies and now it’s actually happening with me. I’m very scared. I don’t know what I’ll remember tomorrow. Some horrible memories may change my life forever. What if I was a serial killer? What if I was a criminal? What if I was attacked by an alien who wiped out my memory temporarily? These questions came to my head and I really couldn’t get an answer to any of them?
I went back to the hotel and decided to sleep. After all, it was the only thing in my life that I could do for my greater good.
I had another dream. The next 3 years of my life came back to me. I was in college. This time with another girlfriend. Man, I was freaking nuts back then. It seemed like I always got a start in a relationship but never made it last longer. I am starting to see myself as a very bad person because, in both of my past relationships, I was the one who broke it off and hurt the girls in the most painful way. Doesn’t it feel so terrifying? Forgetting everything about yourself and remembering the same painful moments again to find out how horrible you are.
When I checked out my phone, it was full of contacts of the people I do remember. Now I was seriously freaked out. The first day, I woke up, I only had phone numbers of a couple of people on my phone and now there are hundreds. I’m not a strong believer of heaven and hell but I knew that this thing that is happening to me isn’t ordinary. It must be supernatural. Or at least I thought so.
I think I’m starting to go crazy. My mind is full of questions of which I don’t know the answers. It feels like my head is going to explode with all the stress. Then again, I didn’t have anyone I could actually trust to share my present condition with. The only person who knows is my sister but still, I don’t want to talk with her about this. She’ll probably think that I’m crazy.
All this time, I have been staying at a hotel and I hadn’t paid my fees. So I went to check my bank balance thinking it might have some money that I can use. When I suddenly got there, I was surprised. I was a millionaire. I don’t quite remember how I got this much money but I was happy to see it. So I continued to stay at the hotel. What would you do if you had like a million dollars and nothing to do because you don’t remember one of the most important parts of life? So, I just went on spending it without any hesitation. Truth be told, with everything that’s been going around I don’t even know if I will wake up tomorrow.
A funny thing happened the next day. I didn’t dream anything. Nothing came back. So I figured I must be 21 years old. But it doesn’t make sense. I don’t remember where I got the money. I don’t know what I do for a living. I can’t still be in college but I don’t remember graduating. So many questions. I thought I was freaking out before but now I've freaked out on a whole another level. So, I called my sister and asked, “How old am I?” She said about 24. I hung up immediately. I looked at myself in the mirror and thought about why I didn’t recall anything today. I can’t think of any theories for my current situation. At first, I remembered the 12 years of my life. Then 2 years and again the next 3 years and after that again 3 years. So all the remembering part was occurring randomly until today. I didn’t try to make a big deal out of it and thought that I’ll remember everything the next day. But I was wrong.
Days passed but still no memory of the past 4 years of my life. For the life of me, I can’t remember what happened in the last four years. I’m guessing that it has to do something with me forgetting all these things as well. I had to figure out what’s going on with me, but there was no one who could tell me what’s going on?
2 months passed and still, I couldn’t remember anything? So, I called my sister and told her that I have completely lost the past 4 years of my life and I can’t remember it in any way. The 20 years before that was very easy to remember. I just had to fall asleep and everything would come back to me. It’s been two months that this is happening but I don’t think I’ll get used to it. I’m about to become a madman and I need someone to help me. My sister just said, “I can’t help you. I actually don’t know anything about what you’re going through? You haven’t even told me what you’ve been doing the past 2 months. How can I help you when you can’t even be completely honest with me?” She hung up the phone. But just before that I think I heard her sobbing. Maybe I was hallucinating or maybe I wasn’t. But I knew that the answers to my questions were with my sister.
I realized my mistake just after. I completely removed any contacts with another human being. I remember reading a sentence in a book that said, “You can only be free of all the sorrows and stress in your life if you open up with someone, someone close.” I should have talked with her before. I think she might just have helped me.
I rushed towards her home and rang the doorbell. When she opened, I immediately went inside, closed the door, made her sit down on the couch and said, “I know you are hiding something from me. Just tell me what it is. I’m sorry for the way I acted in these past 2 months but please. I’m desperate. I need to know what happened in those past 4 years.” Huge drops of tears fell down my cheeks down on earth like a dewdrop as I told her this.
She replied, “I can’t see you like this anymore. What started out to be the thing to help you is now hurting you. So, I think, it’s about time that you know about Kara. I think you should know about the person you fell in love with for the first time.”
She told me everything. She told me all the details of the past 4 years of my life. When she finished, my instant reaction was, “There is no way that it is possible. Such things couldn’t have happened.” Of course, I could just live in denial. But from what I remembered, I hadn’t seen my sister being this serious ever. So I had to believe her but it was hard.
Having such huge information dropped on me, I couldn’t handle myself. So, I went back to my room. All I could think was, “Is it really possible?” After a while, I was too tired to even put my mind to anything so I slept. Then it happened. I dreamt again. This time, it was a little different. The dream felt as though I was living it at the moment.
I woke up and realized it was all true. I couldn’t move myself. I was petrified. Now I had to believe my story with Kara.
I’m going to tell you my story. From my past you must have figured out that I am not great at relationships. I always broke it off when small complications arose in my mind. I was never a stable person. Some might even say, I am spoiled. After I got a breakthrough in one of the technology I designed, I got recognized. I got a patent for it and the funny thing is the tech I designed got popular all over the world. It was complex energy storing technology that was small as in can be carried in our pockets but had massive energy storing capacity which could power up a building. So, I started making decent money soon. So I got even more spoiled as you might have figured.
One day when I was travelling across Europe. In a coffeehouse in Munich, I saw a girl. Normally I am the kind of person who notices a beautiful girl and thinks, “Wow, she’s hot” and forget she even exists after 5 minutes or so. But this time something was different. I just kept staring at her immediately after she noticed me. I thought she probably thinks that I am creepy and would not even bother talking with me. But she didn’t. Even if she was looking at me, I couldn’t stop staring at her. Her brown long hair with bangs. That face is as beautiful as the snowy mountains and eyes the color of ocean after the storm. I’m just kidding, they were green. I finished my drink and was about to leave the place. There might have been a story there but I remembered my past relationships and just thought, “Why bother?” That story was over or so I thought. Just as I was about to go out of the coffeehouse, she came to me and tapped on my back and said, “I noticed you were looking at me there. So, tell me what you were thinking?” I said, “I thought you were umm…. Beautiful.” “I am, aren’t I? Do you have some time, perhaps you could join me for lunch today”, she said. I just got asked out but this beautiful girl and it was hard to say no so I nodded my head yes. She must have thought I was a freak. She said, “I know this great place around the corner if you want to try it.” This time, I said “Yes.”
Progress right? So she led the way and I followed her. Soon we were at the bank of a river nearby. It was cloudy weather and a breeze of chilly air just made the moment even more perfect. She and I talked about each other’s life. I found out that I have many things in common with her. She was also on vacation. Apparently she had just won a lottery and was travelling the world. Soon, we really bonded and I wasn’t afraid anymore to be with her. Then she said something. Her exact words were, “Clearly, we have some chemistry here. I just met you but I have this feeling you are something special. So, before everything becomes serious I just want to point out that, I was a very spoiled kid and I still am. So think carefully.” These words only made me feel closer to her. It seemed like I was destined to meet her there. The weather, her words and the feeling we had for each other made it the perfect way to start a new chapter in my life. And that’s how I met Kara.
After talking about those crappy romantic stuffs, we both headed towards that lunch place she liked very much. Afterwards we again went out for a walk. I was the kind of person who was lazy and didn’t use to walk literally 2 meters away from my bed to get the controller to change the channel of the TV. I would rather watch a shitty soap drama that gets out of the bed and walk 2 meter to get the remote controller. But with her, it didn’t feel like I was walking at all. I felt so free with her. More than I had felt all my life. You know I was always bounded in a simple life because of my family. But, she made me realize there’s more to life than just having a job, wife and kids.
As you probably would have guessed, we traveled the world together. I had such an amazing time with her. It was the most amazing 2 months of my life. Having just been in a 2 month old relationship, I fell for her. She was someone special. I knew that I had to hold her with me and never let go. From the words of George Benson, “I might have been in love before but it never felt this strong.” I wasn’t the spoiled brat who couldn’t care about anyone else but myself anymore. I had changed. All because a girl tapped on by back at a coffeehouse.
Soon we both came back to our hometown. She lived in New Jersey and I was in Manhattan so we used to meet regularly. She was like drugs for me. I couldn’t get enough of her. I was very happy. I could tell that she was too.
About two years passed and by this time we were living together. We had this small apartment right in the middle of the city and were happier than ever. Everything was right with the world and everyday felt like a story taken right out of a fairy tale. I know it’s cheesy for a guy to say “fairy tale” but it was how it was.
It was the three year anniversary of the day I first met Kara. It was the perfect moment for me to ask her to be my wife. I knew it was too soon but at the same time I was very excited. I couldn’t imagine my life being this awesome with any other person than her. The thought of waking up next to her was both thrilling and satisfying. I prepared everything for a perfect evening.
I bought a lot of jasmine, her favorite flowers and put it all over our apartment. I put a small round table on the middle of the apartment. I even bought all the ingredients for the dinner because I was going to cook for her that night. She said she had to go to the doctor for her routine examination. She insisted to bring wine for the date we were going to have in our apartment. And just when she would think that the night can’t get more magical than this, I’ll pop the question, “Will you marry me?”
Everything was going according to the plan and as that moment came closer and closer I became more and more excited. I hadn’t seen her that day because she got up early and went to work. I didn’t even know how she dressed. The doorbell rang. I rushed and opened the door. There she was. The princess of my dreams. Standing on the doorsteps with a bottle of wine on her one hand and her purse on the other. As the night started, she was shocked to see me put this much effort for her. By this time she also knew I was lazy on a whole another level. She was surprised but she didn’t look happy. I asked, “Babe, Is something wrong?” She smiled and said, “No. How can I be? I’m okay. You did this for me. I don’t have a single reason to be upset now.” I also took her words and in that excitement I forgot to see the pain behind that smile and the sorrow behind that, “I’m okay.” If only I had.
Next thing I know, she went to the kitchen and brought two glasses with wine poured on. She handed one of them to me. She said, “To 3 years of tolerating each other’s craziness.” I smiled and replied, “You know I will cheers to that.” Just as I drank the wine, I started to feel a little dizzy. I felt like I was going to pass out. I said, “What is this Kara?” She put her head down and said, “I’m sorry to do this but I can’t be with you anymore. There was no easy way to say this. So, I drugged you so I can get out of here and you couldn’t follow me. Don’t worry. You’ll fall asleep now and when you wake up think of this as a nightmare. I hope you will someday find it in your heart to forgive me. For some reasons I can’t tell you why I am doing this but you really can’t be with me from now. I put my name off the lease this morning so this apartment is yours. Goodbye Clay. May our paths never cross again.” I was almost passed out at the moment but I think I saw her looking back at me just as she was about to walk out that door having tears all over her eyes. Maybe I was hallucinating. Maybe.
So that happened but you might think it still doesn’t explain how I ended up in that apartment. To know that story, I have to tell you what my sister told me back at the hotel. She said, “So the day before you got dumped, Kara came to me and said that she couldn’t be with you anymore and had to get away from you. I was angry at her as she was going to break you. But she said something after that calmed me down. She said that she knew a place, an institute that can brainwash you about ever being with me and he won’t even remember me. It’s a completely safe procedure and it’s been tested. So, there won't be any problem. I didn’t know how but I thought that it was a good idea. I agreed to it. But I didn’t ask her why she was going to leave you. She left so quickly that I didn’t have the chance to. So I can’t exactly tell you. But there might have been some mistake with the procedure. You remembered everything. That wasn’t supposed to happen. But that is everything I know about this. So I’m sorry that you can’t get all the answers you are seeking. That you can’t remember what actually happened between you and your first love.”
“My first love? I have been in love with Julia before Kara”, I said. She corrected me, “No you haven’t. Even if you had, you must not have told me.” To that I said, “No I distinctly remember that I told you about her.” She denied it and that just created an argument. Eventually we both wouldn’t let another one win so we decided to go visit Julia. I didn’t want to but I had to get to the bottom of this. Just as I was about to ring the doorbell, I remembered my last visit there and it scared me. So, I asked my sister to ring it. She opened the door and just got into the ‘Rage-mode” and started yelling at me. My sister helped me calm her down as we told her my entire story. I asked her, “Do you know Kara? I’ve been trying to figure out what happened with me for weeks now and I really need something that leads me to the conclusion. Please, if you can, will you help me?”
She just gave a crooked smile and said, “There isn’t any point hiding it anymore so I’m just going to tell you. I’m not your first girlfriend. My name is in fact Julia Scott but we never knew each other. I’m a friend of Kara and she asked me to help her. After listening to her story, I just had to do what she asked of me. She must have really loved you.” I said, “That’s the point, she didn’t love me. If she had, she must not have left me in the weirdest way imaginable.” She replied, “Oh sweety, you don’t know but by leaving you she in fact showed that she “did” loved you. More than anyone in this world.”
As Julia began to tell Kara’s side of the story, I and my sister listened intensely. She began, “The day she left you, she came to me in the afternoon. She mentioned that she had just visited the doctor for her regular check-up and found out that she had leukemia. It was serious and at most she could only live for a couple of months. She was so afraid about how you would feel after she would leave you. For like 2 hours all she could do was search how to make you feel better. She was sobbing the whole time. I tried comforting her by saying that death is a part of life and you should not fear it. But her eyes clearly said that, it was losing you she feared. It’s actually no surprise she wouldn’t be scared to die. I mean, she was literally the most cheerful and carefree person I have ever known. So, I realized that there was nothing I could say to make her feel better. After about two hours she tracked down an institute that manipulates the human mind in every way. She rushed there and asked what their services were. She learned everything about the procedure. She still had a lot of money so she paid the fees for the services. Then she bought a small apartment to keep you and then told the people of the institute to perform the treatment in that house. She spent another hour with herself. I don’t know what she did. She brought up all her courage and went to confront you. She just realized, that it was your anniversary which only made it hard. She did mention that she would erase all your memory and then fill it again one day at a time. She even altered me in your memory and told me how to react if you ever come to me. She gave you most dreadful memories when it came to your relationships. Even if you never had a serious relationship, if you know how awful you are at it, you wouldn’t come looking after her. She did everything possible to keep you away from her. She’d rather see you hurt than feel nothing at all. I know she asked me to make sure that you never find out about this, but I think somethings aren’t meant to fall apart. You should go to her. Even if she might not live, she could still enjoy the last of her life. But, it’s your choice actually. If you want to, I’ll give you her address.”
I couldn’t speak for minutes and then I finally broke the silence. I said, “For the past months, I have had many questions in my head and this is the answer to all of them. I just have to meet her again. I just have to.”
So I got her address and made all the preparations for the leave the next day. I was pretty tired having all these information dumped on me. I went to the apartment she left me in. I looked around but couldn’t find anything that was related to her. I was just about to sleep and I saw something at the other corner of the room. I went and picked it up. It was a little snowflake necklace I got her back in the days. I held onto that and went to sleep wondering, “What things do I have left for tomorrow.”
I learned that she was in Munich, the place where we first met. I didn’t know where exactly. I searched for her like a week and still couldn’t find her. As I was walking on the streets of Munich, I saw the coffeehouse. The place where we first met. I went in for a cup of coffee. I first went in because I was too tired and I could really use a cup of coffee but as I spent time there, I started remembering my times with her. I just smiled. I finished my coffee and walked out of there. Every memory of her just didn’t let me go away from that place. So, I went back inside only for a moment. I looked at every corner of that place. Just as I was about to turn back and walk out of that door, I heard a “click”, the sound of door opening, and just as fate would have it, there she was.
She looked up at me, we both stared at each other for a few minutes. I couldn’t say anything and neither could she. After sometimes I said, “Hey, You look good.” She started sobbing and got out without even saying a word. I chased her. After a while she stopped and looked at me and said, “You should not be here. I made sure that you wouldn’t mean to be. Then how?” I just smiled and said, “I guess somethings aren’t meant to fall apart.” She came to me, hugged me tightly. It was like her emotions were telling me not to let go of her. She said, “I thought I could live without you. After all, it was only for a few months. But now that you are actually here, I don’t think I could leave you again.” I comforted her and said that she didn’t have to let me go.
We went to the hospital and I analyzed all her situation. It seemed like there was only a slight possibility that she would live but for that that was worth fighting for. She and I promised each other that we would do anything to fight this. And we did. We went to all the doctor’s appointments. She took every medication and treatment. Even if she was scared of all of them, she did it. Even with everything we did, her health didn’t seem to be improving.
After all this, since her health condition didn’t improve, doctors suggested a surgery. There was a high risk doing it but if it was successful, she could actually live. But if it wasn’t then it was sure that she would die. It was a huge decision for both of us. She said that she was going to go through with the surgery. Her exact words were, “If I do this, I might die but look at the bright side as well. I might live as well. If I don’t do this now, we will spend even more time with each other and it would be hard of you to let me go. So, please let me do this. I am not scared this time. I have you.” I took her to the hospital the next day. She was ready. With a smile in her face and watery eyes she went with the doctors. I waited for a long time without any news. I couldn’t even fall asleep. After 2 days, a doctor came out and said what happened. Maybe it was her cheerful spirit or maybe it was my support or maybe it was just a miracle but she survived.
The doctors let me see her and as I went inside, I saw her resting. She was sleeping but she was smiling. I know that she couldn’t have known that I was there but I like to think that she knew. Moments later she opened her eyes and said, “We did it Clay.” I cried at that point and just couldn’t say anything. We went to her place and stayed in Munich for a while then we moved back to our home. Even though she was cured, I knew that I still had to take care of her and I did. We are still living with each other. Being married to her was so much fun. I still like to wonder, “What would have happened if her plan had worked out." I guess somethings are better left in the imagination.
