Just because your existence is never valued doesn’t mean you are worthless. Just because people don’t see your struggles behind your failure doesn’t mean you didn’t try. Just because you didn’t get back the love you give doesn’t mean you don’t deserve love.

You know what you are and that’s enough. You have this one life. Don’t spend it regretting, questioning, judging and hating yourself. Don’t keep running after people who don’t see you. Don’t get sad over small things. Don’t overthink everything. Just because you enjoy someone’s company, don’t beg them to stay in your life.

In the race of loving others and getting back the same amount of love we give, we forget to love ourselves. While healing the wounds of others, you forget that you yourself are bleeding. Nobody will value your selflessness in this selfish world. Chase your dreams and stay committed to your goals. You have done enough for people, do something for yourself too. Make yourself happy. Buy yourself flowers, foods and things you deserve much more than you think. Believe in yourself and spend some time with yourself. You will make yourself proud, trust me. Don’t stress too much about things that aren’t happening. Breath and start again and hope for better.

You are too young to be broken. Some people will never see what you do for them but let that be. There are people who love your frizzy hair, big nose, awkward smile, embarrassing laugh and not so flat stomach. Someone somewhere will understand your odd sense of humor. So, wait until it happens, don’t ever underestimate your self-worth.

Just in case, nobody told you you’re amazing. When you smile, the world becomes a little brighter and you spread awesomeness in the lives you enter which wouldn’t have otherwise. You matter. Your existence really matters. 

There are beliefs that we follow without any reason. We follow those beliefs because other people have been following and we don’t want to take any risk. My father used to believe that there might be bad-luck if you see the cat crossing the road. I also used to follow this superstitious belief. I was supposed to stop my vehicle and wait until another person or vehicle passes through that road. Due to this reason, I was late at school most of the time.

“Dad, how can this innocent cat be a reason for our bad luck? Don’t you think it’s stupid?” I questioned him. He said that his parents and friends follow this and he doesn’t want to take a risk.

I researched why people follow this belief and I found out that in the 16th-century people fell sick and they didn’t know the scientific reason behind this, so they blamed the cat for their illness. There’s no point following those beliefs. I stopped following these ridiculous beliefs but I had to follow when my dad was with me.

I used to drive our car during family tours. When we were on the way to Lumbini, our car hit the other car and only my father got injured. I had some bruises but I couldn’t see my father in pain, so I drove the car to the hospital in Kawasoti. On our way to the hospital, a black cat crossed the road. I was supposed to stop the vehicle but I didn’t stop the car. If something bad happened to my dad, then I would be blamed for not stopping the car. We reached the hospital and my father got admitted. Everyone was worried about him.

Later when I visited the doctor to know about my dad’s condition, she said that we got there just in time and they were successful to save my dad’s life. If I had stopped the car and waited for another person to cross then maybe I wouldn’t have been able to see him alive. After this incident, my father and my family have stopped believing those superstitions. My family is now free from the superstition. We should ignore these superstitious beliefs as they aren’t valid from a scientific point of view. 

Multiple myelomas is cancer that forms in a type of white blood cell called a plasma cell. Plasma cells help you fight infections by making antibodies that recognize and attack germs. Multiple myelomas causes cancer cells to accumulate in the bone marrow, where they crowd out healthy blood cells. It is a very dangerous type of blood cancer CBC (complete blood count) gets low. It mainly affects bone marrow. To know the disease you need to perform bone marrow biopsy. It pains in bones. 5 cycle of chemo is required to perform a bone marrow transplant. There are two types of bone marrow transplant analogous transplant and autologous transplant.
Autologous transplant
In this transplant, the stem cells of the infected person is taken and after hard chemo, the stem cell is transplanted in one’s own body.
Analogous transplant
In this transplant, the steam cells of siblings are taken and hall matching tested and after it is matched 100% the stem cells can be transferred from the sibling to infected person.
Infected person should take precautions for 100 days like a newly born child ;
• a person should not to in the crowds
• raw food should be avoided
• personal hygiene should be maintained daily
• smelly things should be kept away including flowers, perfumes, sweat
• Infection(common cold, fever, etc) should be prevented
• A blood test is compulsory every week
After 100 days of precautions, CBC test and KAPPA/LAMBDA blood test Is done and seen the percentage of disease left in the body of the infected person. Chemotherapy therapy is started again to cure the leftover disease. The long-lasting medicine for this disease is chemotherapy.
There are two types of chemotherapy Oral chemo, injection chemo and other antivirals medicine are given because after transplant the body of the infected person becomes like of newly born baby any type of infection can do harm to the body. The transplant has a 50-50 chance of success and failure. The main medicine of multiple myeloma is chemotherapy
Life span after multiple myeloma
Some patients beat the odds and live 10 or more. the average for myeloma patients overall was about 3 years.

REFERENCES.
https://www.mayoclinic.org/diseases-conditions/multiple-myeloma/symptoms-causes/syc-20353378?p=1
http://www.myelomasurvival.com/myeloma-blog/category/all/4
 

Every time a new place, an unknown one.
My mind is blank, all my memories gone.
An architecture of stick and stone.
The dimensional rift that is divine.
Oh! It’s the dream lantern that glows and shines.
 
Worse than moths, we’ve become.
To its mystic illumination, we all succumb.
A ship that sails through our lifeless hallucinations.
It’s nothing more than a fragment of our imagination.
Its hold weakens when the time is ripe.
Thud! Dawn breaks, somethings do seem alike.
 
The urge of the lantern leaves some in slumber.
As for our reality is undeniably somber.
For exceptions do exist and they see things through.
Broadminded they are, yet skepticism they brew.
A maze of mismatch, one out of proportion.
Wicked! The mind is, often traps one in commotion.
 
Invisible alarms ring, an insurgency is on the rise.
Now it’s up to you to Lonely dreamer to resist.
Sheer will, focus, and determination, you’ll need to persist.
Hold fast, foster your strengths, maintain a line.
Oh! It’s the dream lantern that glows and shines.
 

Someday I truly wonder
And other I just wonder
How it would be,
To sit under the stars and see
The whole galaxy
And about life, I start to pounder

I know life is just not easy,
And that there’s a lot yet to perceive,
Think, desire, process and achieve
But I know till the end
I’ll hold on even when I’m dizzy.

Even though life shall take a new bend,
For the best, I shall always hope
And with my problem, I shall always cope.
Strong determination will help me fight,
And win the battles with my might.

Forever on the path of right
I shall be guided by my star,
At least I’ll have a par
And I know who wants the light of day,
Must survive the darkness of the night.

Above all, I’ll always take the right path,
And think twice before I act
I’ll never let anything bother,
What I think and what I say
And always shine a hopeful ray.
 

No one is satisfied with what’s going on. We can think past, feel the present, and plan for the future. Past is like a word carved in a stone.it can be remembered but not changed. To date, no such device like the time machine has been invented. A human who has the capacity to discover about the black hole to quantum has to kneel down in front of the past.so I would like to change my past and make it memorable, productive and self-loving.

I can barely recognize my past. School-age, the golden age, was nothing more than a scheduled activity that I was obligated to do. Socializing with friends and colleagues instead of surfing the internet or running eyes on the words would be the prime thing I would have done. Instead of spending 24 hours studying and sleeping, I would make it more lively so that I can count on it in the future. School-age is meant to be a time to relax, make friends, do all those crazy things and make much of it.

Similarly, productiveness along with liveliness seems complicated. The multiple opportunities, I neglected multiple times was one of the biggest mistakes I made. If given the time and opportunity, I would have participated in the beauty pageant, talent show, literature programs and so on. Instead of focusing only on academics and being a bookworm, I would make it productive. I would have built up my confidence. In the crowd of thousands of students, I would make myself recognizable.

Similarly, during my school days, I was judgmental about myself. I was chubby during my lower secondary years so I used to get bullied. After that, I lost about 20 kg by dieting. I avoided everything that I liked to eat . I was so focused on dieting that I ended up losing my originality. I wanted to be someone else instead of being best of myself .if I could change, I would make myself self-loving, self-satisfied and nonjudgmental. I would love myself for who I  really was.

In a nutshell, if the past changed us then we can change the future. Being nostalgic can give happiness to someone while even can open a closed wound. So we must concentrate on our present so that we can mold our future as we wish.

That day I remember
Three months earlier than  December 
I got a new family member 
Who has got great control over his temper?

Beginning with the cozy smile 
I got to know that you are versatile 
Every day with you is a permanent memory  
You care about me, although I'm a tough allergy.

That cute face with a glamour grace 
Polite English with enough space 
Everything changed with the initiation of a new race 
I need no excuses, you are the best.

The charming smile and growing beard
Makes my laziness disappear
Time changed people changed but you are same 
You always motivate me for my aim 

The laughs and joy expressed
I again repeat you are the best
One of the reasons why I come to school?
It's only you Suraj Sir!! 
 

The beginning of manhood can only be seen in man after Bartamandha. It is a complex Hindu ceremony where boys of age between 8-12 years take the first steps in learning the traditional law, ceremonial roles and rituals of their caste. Before the ceremony boys wear traditional orange, headband pierced with a porcupine spice for the protection from evil. In Nepal, one cannot marry unless he has done bartamandha. It is performed by six Brahma priests, though technically two are only required. Red, white and yellow patterns are made around the fire for the protection and to mark an elaborate part setting, indicating where each god should sit as they join the ceremony. Pujas are performed to Ganesh and light and water.

There is a belief that if a guy doesn’t do a bartamandha before marriage, he can never be happy. It is also said that he can never have a baby. As there is a belief that evil roams around their marriage and never lets their marriage be successful. There is also another belief that if a guy doesn’t do bartamandha he is graded as a low caste. Even the high caste once you marry without bartamandha, he becomes untouchable. It is said that their karma will be incomplete and they can never live a normal life (i.e. sad marriage life, regarded as low people, never accepted in a society.)

I always had a question regarding this belief like why do evil surround you if you don’t cut your hair? How is cutting hair related to giving birth? Does the cutting of hair disturb our biological behavior? Why can’t we be called man unless we cut our hair? And why do we have to put a hairtail behind our head? And why only our maternal uncle is related to our karma as karma is related to bartamandha. There are so many ‘wh’ questions in my mind.

When I asked my mother about this tradition, she replied it’s what we’ve been following so many centuries ago. We have no right to question it. Then I asked her many questions then she shouted at me and said it is what it is! We have to follow it. Then I asked my father and then he replied I don’t know anything about it, it’s just that we follow it because everybody does so. And this is what our ancestors have been doing, they have taught us this, so why not. Why take a chance?

Then I realized that we don’t even know what we are doing. Most of us don’t even care and just so because that’s what our ancestors have been doing because that is what everybody is doing. We don’t even question it, because if we do so then we become “the spoiled one”. Everybody goes against us. We follow it out because of fear. We follow it because everybody does so. We are all blinded by our tradition. We should follow our tradition, take it as our pride but we should never be blind. We should question everything and believe only those which are reasonable and believable.

Considering females as impure, Chaupadi pratha is a tradition practiced for centuries that banishes females during their menstruation period from the house. It is primarily practiced in the western part of Nepal. This pratha basically prohibits Hindu women and girls from participating in normal family activities while menstruating. “Untouchability” a tradition it is called, forbidden from touching other people and objects, women and girls are required to live away from the community, typically in a livestock shed, during their menstruation. And their mistake was to be a girl! And go through the biological means following what nature gives was her only mistake.

And when I heard that in some cases women are instructing to live in a separate area of the house. They are forced to live in a mud hut that is hundreds of yards away. I thought it was so unfair. The pain that those young females or women go through, nobody cares about. These women when they were growing, they were told horror stories of how their fathers would become possessed if they stayed in their home during their period. They are not even allowed to touch cattle or crops at such time from fear of harming them. But they were allowed to touch other women. If contact is made with other men, it is said that one must be purified with cow urine.

Women are not even allowed to comb or wash their hair. In some areas, women are not even taught or aware of sanitary towels and so are forced to bare the “condemned” stains on their unwashed clothes. And there are many cases of women dying in this pratha suffering from respiratory diseases, malnutrition, and diarrhea. And mother “a woman” herself pressurizes her daughter to do so. When I heard that I had one question and that is “do my parents think the same way?”

I ran to my parents and asked them, what do you think of this pratha. My parents then replied even science says some negative vibrations do come out when a girl is on her period. And at that point, everybody around her should be supporting her as she suffers from irritation, the pain. I felt so lucky. My mother did say that those are our traditions and we should not allow women to touch god, but I would never be so blinded by our tradition that I would let my daughter suffer alone in the cold outside. Because I know to what extent it’s true but they don’t.

Then I realized, those women who are suffering and following this pratha don’t even know what’s true. They are just misguided by their ancestors. The young girls while growing up listening to their ancestors said they think it's their mistake. They live in fear. They feel so sorry for a natural process, that they can even give their life, even get raped and say nothing while following this pratha. But the government even put a ban on this pratha but will the girls even know that what they are doing is not necessary, it's illogical. No, they’ll not, instead, they will think the government is wrong, and keep on practicing this pratha. So, in order to stop this, we should start by educating them. There are many such kinds of tradition. This is just an example for us to not be blinded by our religions.

Everyone in the world has questioned some belief or an idea. Even I have too. It was about six years ago. It was a visit that planted a belief and a conversation that overturned it. 

One day, I suddenly fell sick. When I woke up in the morning, I felt worse. I slowly sat on my bed and reached for a thermometer on the other side of the bed. I placed it under my tongue and took my reading. I discovered that I had a high fever. I waited for some days but the fever did not go away. This is how ill I was.

My parents, witnessing my prolonged fever decided to take me to the tantric. So I went with my parents to a house where the tantric resided. I saw people waiting to be ‘healed’ by sitting in lines and rows. The tantric who were seated at the far end began performing his rituals by moving his broom around the other person’s head and also made them inhale the smoke of burnt spices. Eventually, my turn arrived and I was performed the same ritual. The rituals and the whole environment gave me a vibe that made me believe I will really be healed by this tantric. Otherwise, why do so many people come here? This is how the belief of magic healing was implanted in my head.

Then it was a conversation with my doctor which overturned this belief of mine. After a certain period of going to the tantric, I had an appointment with my doctor. I waited with my father outside the doctor’s room until a bell rang and I was called to the room. I sat down in front of the doctor while he was inquiring about my health. I replied that I was feeling much better. I also told him about my tantric visit. He said that tantric healing is not scientifically proven, but medicine is. He told me that if I continue taking my medication it will work. He also said that I should not fall into such illusions. 

This is how my belief in magic healing was overturned. Consequently, I began to think rationally about such beliefs. From this incident, I learned that we should not blindly believe in such rituals and traditions. We should move ahead with rational and modern thinking. We should favor facts rather than just beliefs.

When a person is dead, a living one suffers. Post funeral ceremony (kriya karma) existing in our culture is a perfect example of this statement. I have seen people following these traditions since I was young enough to understand stuff but I still see no point in doing those customs. Whenever I ask my parents about these customs they say that it needs to be followed and no one has the answer of why.

One of the things that people do to mourn death is to wear white clothes. We are taught not to judge a book by its cover but people do if we wear colorful clothes to someone’s funeral. It doesn’t matter if we are sad inside, we should look sad outside too. From wearing white clothes for a year to wearing it till 13 days after the death of a person, society has changed. This custom is questionable.

I have heard people dying while strictly following this custom. Since the dead person’s son or wife cannot touch anything or anyone while mourning the death, they cannot let doctors examine them if even if their health is critical. It is a curse to them if their relative has died during the winter season as they do not get to wear warm clothes or hot water to take a bath every early morning till 13 days of their loss. If someone or something mistakenly touches them, they need to restart the customs from the beginning till the next 13 days.

The next thing that people cannot do when their relative has died is not taking certain food. They can have sugar but not salt. They can potatoes but not an onion. They can have fruits but they can’t have tomatoes. They can’t have milk but they can have curd which is made from milk. A person cannot have that food depending upon how close is the relation of that person with the dead person.

I find this Post funeral thing really pointless. Mourning the death of a person should not be a compulsion but a wish. It should be done how we want to do it, not how society wants us to do it. I also think that this ceremony is also a reason for gender discrimination in society. Since a son has to do this ceremony, it is believed that they make their parents happy in heaven while daughters cannot do that. It does not help a person to heal from their sorrowful loss.

My smile is creepy
Because do you ever see it touching my eye?
My laugh is quick and loud 
Do you really think it comes from my heart?

My lips feel so heavy 
When I try to curl it up.
When I see what I wish I would never
My brain automatically blurs it up.

And with the blur comes the worst 
A shooting pain within
Believe me, it hurts
It’s worse than a curse.

Don’t blame me, at least I try
Try to make the smile, laugh, and excitement
As realistic as possible
But while faking it all 
Within I die.

Well, never mind me I am not important to anyone
They don’t see the real me 
I ask it a lot 
Do I myself know the real me?