Written by: Riti Niraula - 27029, Grade X
Posted on: 24 May, 2024
In the loud and deep sea of human emotions, that feeling is an unavoidable wave that has caught me many times without warning, leaving me gasping for breath. For those who have had the same storm of feeling, describing the sensation, talking to people about the emotion, and understanding the web of this experience that accompany my situation is very crucial to others and mostly is misunderstood by almost everyone.
Having random blackouts are my very intense episodes of fear that have traumatized me both mentally and physically. They strike me suddenly, mostly out of nowhere, or be triggered by “that” specific situation, thoughts, or memories. As the threat of anxiety wraps around my mind, I feel an overwhelming urge to run away from it all, even when there is nothing to feel threatened about. The physical manifestations of having to black out can be just as exhausting as the mental turmoil. Increase of heart palpitations, shortness of breath, trembling, sweating, dizziness are just the few symptoms that are visible to other people before i black out, it often mimics the sensation of a heart attack. One of the major indications of blacking out is the feeling of losing control over everything. Normal thoughts become clouded by fears and I start feeling like I am trapped in a never-ending cycle of worry and despair. This loss of control is very terrifying, animating the intensity of blacking out and its duration.
After I wake up, I mostly feel emotionally drained, and mentally exhausted, sometimes even having the thoughts about ending it all. The adrenaline rush that accompanies me after, leaves a never leaving sense of unease, making it very difficult to relax and regain myself for the whole day. The fear of experiencing another attack is a very difficult and large feeling that casts a shadow over my daily activities and changes the way people think about me. Despite the overwhelming efforts shown by everyone towards me, there are some people who think of this as an act of seeking attention, they don’t even know the feeling I get when I am going through this. I feel like everytime I faint, I am not going to open my eyes. My life flashes in front of me everyday and it's not even in my power to somehow stop it. It is very important for people to recognize that having random black out does not defy a person’s worth or strength. It is a very common experience that most teenagers are going through these days, and seeking help and talking to someone is a sign of courage and not failure. By showing understanding and compassion for those people who go through this, people can create a more supportive environment where individuals like me feel empowered to speak and seek help.
In conclusion, the feeling of having to black out is a very complex show of emotions and sensations. By showing light on the people who are mostly misunderstood on this aspect of mental health, we can create a greater empathy for those who struggle to talk about their feelings.
