Written by: Rushina Tamang - 26008, Grade IX
Posted on: 08 July, 2022
I have always found myself being different from others. I’m not normal, is what they have made me believe. I’ve been away from home for about 6 months. I’ve had no contact with my family. It seems they’ve really forgotten about me. After hearing what I had to say, they had created a toxic environment. Saying they were going to “fix me”. I tried to stay quiet and go with their toxic behaviour but I couldn’t handle it any longer.
I had to escape.
So, I got my own apartment. And I’ve been living alone at 23 with my girlfriend.
I always thought I was weird for liking girls. Since I was a girl myself. I thought something was wrong with me. But I never told my parents. Maybe I just knew that they were homophobes and wouldn’t handle me being a lesbian. I thought that maybe it was just a phase and I would eventually get out of it. I was taught strictly that heterosexual marriages were the norm and same-sex marriage was a sin. Fearing I was a sinner, I kept my mouth shut, suffering alone at 12 without telling anyone.
My parents are first-class homophobes. Like everything I owned had to be pink. Everything my brother owned had to be blue. We were expected to act feminine and masculine. While I sat doing all the chores in the house, my brother did nothing. I wouldn’t really blame him as he sometimes tries to help me but my mother just kicks him out of the kitchen. They expect me and my brother to get married after 25 and produce grandbabies for them.
By the time I was 14. I had more knowledge about my sexuality. My source was, of course, the internet. There, I learned that it was normal to like people of the same gender.
I was in 9th grade at the time. That’s when I first saw her, Lucinda. She was a transfer in our class. She was fairly very attractive. She had black hair, blue eyes, thick eyebrows, long lashes and heart-shaped lips. It was almost love at first sight. I had completely drowned myself in the thought that I would never be able to be with a girl as beautiful as her.
“Mary” was considered the most beautiful girl before Lucinda. She was always jealous of her. She often bullied Lucinda. No one spoke up to her fearing they would be her next victims.
Lucinda always seemed lonely. She sat alone at lunch. She didn’t have any friends. She was totally capable of destroying Mary’s popularity. But she didn’t do anything. She always sat back and let people bully her. She seemed like a very kind soul who just didn’t want extra trouble. Since we were both lonely people at school, I befriended her. I didn’t mind getting bullied by Mary for befriending Lucinda. She had already been bullying me since the 5th grade. I never got why she needed to do that.
Lucinda and I instantly got close. It was like we were childhood best friends. We just clicked. We had a lot of things in common. From a friend’s perspective, she is an amazing person. From a lover’s perspective, she is the most beautiful, creative and passionate and kind person I’ve ever met.
I enjoyed being with her a lot. By the end of 12th grade, we had become so close that people on the street often stared at us or asked us if we were “lesbians”. We always said we were best friends but I knew that we both didn’t like calling ourselves some platonic best friends. So, at the end of 12th grade, I knew I had to confess my feelings. I always had a feeling she liked me back. The feeling was, in fact, true. She instantly took the rose from my hand and started kissing me. Honestly, it felt like paradise.
After dating her for 5 years throughout my bachelor years. I knew it was time to come out to my parents. I thought it was now or never. I thought they would understand me better since I was an adult and accept me as I am. I didn’t expect them to accept me right away. But coming out was a huge mistake. They started taking me to temples and started hiring people to do witchcraft on me. They even took me to the doctors but the nurses just asked my mother if she was crazy and asked me to contact them if I needed any help. I stayed quiet for a month. Waiting for them to come to their senses. But after it seemed like they weren’t gonna change at all, I left. I left home.
I got an apartment with Lucinda. Living with each other made us closer than ever. Of course, we fought sometimes. We weren’t perfect. But I guess relationships do need some conflicts because every time we fight, we end up getting even closer to each other.
I always knew I was going to marry Lucinda. So, after 6 years of dating, I finally proposed to her a month ago. She accepted it with flying arms and kisses. It felt like the first time she accepted my proposal. Like paradise. I truly loved this girl.
During June this year, we even participated in the pride parade. We made so many new friends. It was the best month ever. My brother cut off all his contact with our parents. They were very toxic to both of us. Turns out they started forcing marriage and responsibilities on him. He needed to break free. He left home as well a month ago. We’re very close. We’ve always been close. We call each other twice or thrice a week. Just last night, he told me he found out he was bi and was dating his first male lover. I was extremely happy for him. And we got even closer because of it. We even went on a double date. His boyfriend is absolutely amazing.
My parents have been trying to get in contact with me and my brother after he left. Maybe they realised that they won’t be able to survive old age without their two children who they absolutely tormented. After consulting with my brother and my girlfriend. We’ve decided to give them one last chance since they are our parents after all. I’ve invited them to the wedding in 2 months. We have no intentions of meeting them before that. But I guess only time will decide whether they deserve their own children or not.
