Written by: Joya Shrestha - 25004, Grade X
Posted on: 01 July, 2022
I always love to dress like women, do makeup like women and “act” like them. Since childhood I used to play with dolls rather than cars, video games etc and I have always loved to hangout with girls. My name is Thomas Shah. I am a gay and I am proud of it but I could never understand why do society have problems about it knowing that I am happy being a gay. Most of my childhood was spent at a hostel staying away from home at the age of 5 as my parents used to work in different provinces and they couldn't make time for me. I used to love to hangout with my female friends and because me and my cousin sister were classmates it was easier to me with hangout with them and they didn't have any problems with it but the boys of my class always used to bully me, tease me and it was affecting my mental health so badly.
I used to wear lipstick and eyeliner from a sister who used to take care of those students who used to stay at the hostel. She was my bestfriend and my second mother. She always used to support me and I used to take her kurta’s shawl as a sari and dance every night. I used to feel beautiful and confident. Her name was Cris, we shared an amazing bond. I always confided all my feelings to her, even my crushes. Since grade 8 I had a crush on a guy who was my friend since playgroup. He was the sweetest, the perfect guy in my eyes. He was the only one who didn't bully me among all the guys in the class. I didn't know how he felt about me but for me he was an angel to me. I always used to dream about him and somehow he knew that I had a crush on him since then he started to act weirdly and I was scared. What if I lost him? What if he stopped talking with me? and many more thoughts that used to come in my mind. My mental health got worse and there were many sleepless nights. My fear of losing him was increasing. I always wanted to talk with him but I just couldn't do it, I was afraid I would drive him away. Days and months passed by but my love for him never ceased to exist. We used to have eye contact and his eyes were the prettiest, I always admired them. Everynight I used to tell Cris about him and she noticed how giddy and happy it made me to talk about him. Fast forward, after grade 8 was over, I had to go on a family vacation where Cris persuaded me to tell my parents about my sexuality.
I was so scared and nervous. Many thoughts were running through my mind. What if they abandon me? What if they disown me? But when I finally built the courage to tell them, they took it easily and accepted me. I was over whelmed. My vacation was over and I told Cris everything about it and she was so happy for me and after 4 months I went to talk with the boy I love. His name - Nasir. His name is beautiful just like him. He talked with me like before and finally I opened up to him and the most beautiful moment was when he accepted. He used to like me too. We hugged each other and talked for like 3-4 hours and today we celebrate our 6th anniversary. I consider myself the luckiest man to have such a wonderful and supportive human by my side. Even the society has not completely accepted us but it's not about the society, it's about me and Nasir.
