Written by: Aayusi Shrestha - 26002, Grade IX
Posted on: 20 June, 2022
Hi, my name is Elijah and I am a social media influencer. I have more than 15 million followers and I am happy because my dream have come true but the truth is that I am gay. None of my fans nor my family know that and I am very scared that they will find out and abandon me. I’ve had many boyfriends but none of them lasted. I opened up to one of my best friends but they left me. Sometimes I wonder, am I just scared because of that one incident? I am currently 23 and I live alone. I sometimes feel lonely and I have no one to hang out with. I go to my mom’s house. My dad and mom divorced when I was a kid. One day while traveling with my mom I had a crush on someone but I knew I had no chance so I didn’t even try. Since I am going to Paris next week for a fan event I need to pack things up. In Paris, I was really drunk and did not know when I started talking to a guy and we ended up together. When we woke up he said that he wanted us to be in a relationship. I agreed because I wanted someone to rely on too. It's been 2 years since we started dating. Today I'm coming out to my mom and friends. Liam, my boyfriend will also be helping me. He was the one who gave me courage. I am so nervous I said and Liam calmed me down. When I opened up I thought they would not accept it but surprisingly my mom hugged me and told me it’s alright and some of my friends got disgusted and left but 7 of my friends stayed and comforted me. I still did not have the courage to tell my fans that I am gay. A few days later I found out something I should not have. I was shaking and trembling trying not to cry. -2 days ago- Liam was acting strange today I thought. He said he was going to be late and told me sorry and I told him it was alright. I was scared all the time because I thought he was gonna leave me like my dad. -present- I went crying to my close friend's house, my mom was also there because we had dinner today. Seeing me cry they ran up to me. They asked me what happened and I told them the truth. What really happened? Even I couldn’t believe it when I heard Liam and a girl talking, they were talking about how they had fooled me. Liam was using me for clout and money. His friend also knew that and he was also cheating on me with someone named “Alexa”. I cried for days but then I gathered up the courage and tried moving on. I hadn’t broken up with Liam. I came out to my fans and they supported me. In a live I told them my boyfriend cheated on me and was using me so they started bashing Liam. We broke up and now I believe in love.
I laughed at the last line. I was reading my diary. I am now 30 and I am reading this with my husband. His name is Jay. He was one of my best friends and somehow we started hanging out, then dating and we married. I didn’t have a happy ending with Liam but I sure did find the love of my life after that incident. Looking back, the fear of abandonment really made me hold on to things, after all if it is meant to be, it will be. I learnt that we should move on and try making our life the best regardless. Oh also, I have a pretty daughter whose name is Hannah.
