Written by: Benit Shrestha - 21105, Grade XII
Posted on: 09 November, 2020
To put it in a crude way, friend-zone is the experience of liking someone and later finding out that they would rather just be friends. This term was first popularized by the 90s TV show “Friends”. Assuming that the ‘friend zone' is a refuge for those with whom the opposite gender wants to maintain a platonic relation rather than a romantic one. The question arises: Is there an escape?
For this, we have to back-track to the root cause of being friendzoned-that being romantic attraction or sudden attachment toward the opposite sex. Such emotions, nervousness and excitement are scientifically termed as ‘Limerence’. The sudden heart-throb, decreased appetite and other symptoms of being lovesick are all effects of the adrenaline pumping away from the stomach and toward the muscles where it may be better used. Another pathway to the friend zone is better described by the Bateman’s Principle,named after Angus Bateman, the principle states that whenever a species consist of two different sexes with dissimilar sex cells, one sex will have to commit more resources to the production of offspring than the other. This means one sex will be more selective whereas the other one more competitive. Selective, in a sense that, one sex will chose only a few potential mates and reject/“friend zone” a large fraction of pursuers. This approach of choosing the ideal mate can be backed up by defining Homogamy, which is the act of selecting mates on the basis of how similar they are to our own personalities, interests and views for the future. This concept gives rise to hope and possibility that someone wasn’t friendzoned because of their over-friendly or extra-cordial nature but rather due to borderline incompatibility.
However, if western pop-culture has taught us anything it is that individuals are more attracted to people who act cool, are rude or hard to get. Robert Cialdini calls this strange phenomenon ‘The Scarcity Principle’, which basically means we desire things that are difficult to obtain and prefer our freedom to not be limited. Employing this principle in real life, we can perhaps find a route to escape the friend zone itself. To conclude it all, being friend-zoned may be albeit disappointing but in a way, it might be the best place where you’re certain someone needs you the most.
References:
Stevens, Michael (2013). “The Science of the Friend Zone”. Vsauce
Willmott, Lynn; Bentley, Evie (January 5, 2015). "Exploring the Lived-Experience of Limerence: A Journey toward Authenticity". The Qualitative Report.
(_). “https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bateman's_principle”. Wikipedia
Huber, Susan (2011). "Educational Homogamy Lowers the Odds of Reproductive Failure". Plos One.
Cherry, Kendra (2017). “What is the Scarcity Principle?”. Explore Psychology
